The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #8: Cait West
"I learned the hard way that I need extra time and support to write through past events that are still affecting me."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the eighth installment, featuring , author of Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy. -Sari Botton
Cait West is a writer and editor based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Her work has been published in The Revealer, Religion Dispatches, Fourth Genre, and Hawai`i Pacific Review, among others. As an advocate and a survivor of the Christian patriarchy movement, she serves on the editorial board for Tears of Eden, a nonprofit providing resources for survivors of spiritual abuse, and cohosts the podcast Survivors Discuss. She writes the newsletter . You can also find her on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook.
--
How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
I’m 36, and I’ve been writing for almost as long as I have been able to read, which I learned when I was around 5. My first “book” was made of a stack of printer paper stapled together and illustrated in crayon; I vaguely remember it being some kind of nature book about the birds and flowers found in my backyard.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
Rift: A Memoir of Breaking Away from Christian Patriarchy, available on April 30, 2024.
What number book is this for you?
This is my first non-stapled-together official book!
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
I use the term memoir because I’m telling the story through my own memories of, and perspective on, how I left a fundamentalist movement. It is not a documentary or autobiography but rather my best attempt to tell the truth through art. Initially, my earliest drafts leaned toward a memoir-in-essays, but it became clear that I needed to make the overall narrative arc more defined since the subject matter might be unfamiliar to many people.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book? (Up to one paragraph.)
Rift is my story of growing up on the fringe of evangelical purity culture in a movement that takes the concept of patriarchy to its extreme, stripping women of agency and making them complicit in their own demise. This is the story of both sides of liberty: escaping the so-called protection of a home only to find that independence does not ensure freedom, that abuse and trauma have a long reach, and that patriarchy is a shadow with no edge.
Rift is my story of growing up on the fringe of evangelical purity culture in a movement that takes the concept of patriarchy to its extreme, stripping women of agency and making them complicit in their own demise. This is the story of both sides of liberty: escaping the so-called protection of a home only to find that independence does not ensure freedom, that abuse and trauma have a long reach, and that patriarchy is a shadow with no edge.
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
When I left my life as a “stay-at-home daughter” in the Christian patriarchy movement, I knew I wanted to go to college and study writing. Writing had already become a way for me to escape my harsh world, to express myself when I wasn’t allowed to have a voice or choices in my own life. I wanted to study fiction writing, my first love, but because of the writing program I was in, I needed to pick two genres to study, and creative nonfiction seemed less intimidating than poetry. I soon realized that my own story was bleeding into everything I was writing and that I needed to get it out of my body and onto the page. My creative writing thesis was a collection of essays about my life that would eventually become Rift.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
Writing about personal trauma proved to be a difficult task, especially since I subconsciously saved all the most difficult scenes to be written last. I learned the hard way that I need extra time and support to write through past events that are still affecting me. I also hit a bit of a block after I graduated from college. I no longer had deadlines, which had helped me stay motivated. It took me a few years to find my writing rhythm again and to finish a first draft of the book.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
I wrote the whole book without letting anyone except my writing mentors see it. But I did run a few details by my siblings as I was drafting to make sure I was being accurate. Once the book was sold and had gone through the developmental edit, that’s when I sent it to my siblings, whom I’m so grateful to have good relationships with. I wasn’t asking their permission, but I also wanted to know if they found fault with anything or if I had represented anything incorrectly. The only correction I received back was from my sister who said I had gotten the name of her favorite Christian band wrong—that was an easy change!
The publisher did a full legal review of the manuscript, and because I’m writing about abuse, they decided we should use pseudonyms for everyone except public figures and my husband. My siblings got to pick their own names, though, so it was fun to include them in the process. Once people read the book, they won’t be surprised that I did not run anything by my father, who I no longer have contact with. I’ve made peace with this, and my goal in writing about him was not to make him into some two-dimensional “villain” but to show the complicated reality of domestic abuse. And I worked hard to make sure I’m only telling my own story, not someone else’s.
Once people read the book, they won’t be surprised that I did not run anything by my father, who I no longer have contact with. I’ve made peace with this, and my goal in writing about him was not to make him into some two-dimensional “villain” but to show the complicated reality of domestic abuse. And I worked hard to make sure I’m only telling my own story, not someone else’s.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
Probably everything I’ve ever read has fed me as a writer, but a couple specific books come to mind. Mothers of Sparta by Dawn Davies was the first memoir-in-essays I read, and I found it a really powerful way to tell complicated stories. I was also inspired by Educated by Tara Westover because it was the first memoir I read that made me feel seen. Even though our stories are different (Tara grew up Mormon, and I grew up Presbyterian), I could relate to much of what she experienced, and that gave me courage to tell my own story.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
Write first for yourself. Telling your story is an empowering thing, and you don’t ever have to publish it to get that experience. If you decide to publish, my best advice would be to follow your intuition regarding what works best for you. Some aspects of my experience with publishing might seem like lucky breaks, but I recognize that I put myself out there to meet people who shared the same mindset about writing and creative work. I was vulnerable with trusted friends. I built relationships with wiser, more experienced artists. I stayed true to myself, and I found the right path for me to bring this book into the world. I got to work with an independent publisher, an incredible editor, and a great marketing team who believes in the book.
What do you love about writing?
My mind often feels like a chaos of spiraling thoughts, anxiety, and strange daydreams, so writing helps me focus in and find my own voice in the middle of it all. Writing isn’t easy for me; it takes all of my energy. But it makes me feel alive, capable of creation, grounded, and in touch with myself.
What frustrates you about writing?
My frustration comes most from my fear rather than the writing itself. Sometimes fear of failure, of miscommunicating, of not finding the right wordsm or of not having the stamina to finish a project—that fear takes hold of me and makes it difficult to write. It can feel painful.
What about writing surprises you?
I marvel at how human beings have been writing for thousands of years, and while there are similar themes and narrative arcs in our stories, each person’s perspective and context is unique, which is why writing never grows old. There is always something new to learn from other writers. Each of our voices has something to bring to the world, and that is incredible to me.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine, or writing at specific times?
See previous comment about my chaos mind… The best way for me to write is to change up my routine, actually. Going to a coffee shop where there are no chores for me to do, or writing thoughts down when I wake up in the middle of the night. Eventually, these fragmented notes come together to make something, but it’s not the easiest process. Part of my process for writing this book was printing out the full draft, cutting it into sections with scissors, and rearranging it until I felt satisfied with the order of scenes. This took a lot of time, but I think slowing down and doing something off-screen really helped me get to the next level with the book.
Write first for yourself. Telling your story is an empowering thing, and you don’t ever have to publish it to get that experience. If you decide to publish, my best advice would be to follow your intuition regarding what works best for you.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
I spend so much of my time reading and writing and editing, that I find the best outlets to be activities that bring me back to my body. Walking through forests or taking a day trip to the lakeshore helps me remember I am just a body taking up a little space in this universe. At home, gardening and crafting have been ways for me to be creative without screens.
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
Now that I feel like I’ve been able to get this story out, I want to explore more fiction writing again. I have some ideas going, but nothing concrete to share yet. I’m excited to see what else I can create!
Ah—I’m so interested in patriarchal religious issues. I’m ordering the book. I’m starting to write a bit in my Substack posts about cults and cultish organizations/behaviors. My novel on teens hoping to escape a polygamist cult is coming out in late 2025. I thought it would be good to post about books I’ve read on the subject of both cults and patriarchy.