Incredible. This is so spot on...and probably exactly why you were meant to be obsessed with the story, so that at this moment you would even know this playing out for her and feel the waves of what you stared down. Thank you, Becky, for your courage. It's an inspiration.
I love how you started with an innocent confession only to guide us toward a huge one. Courage shines through. Apologizing, owning up — feels like the hardest thing in the world. But the relief, the lightness? It's accepting our humanness. And with that comes higher acceptance of others. Bravo
Becky, this was such a bold way to approach your experience and insight into this celebrity story that keeps feeling more and more complicated to me. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to see your emails publicly shared and reckon with what was in them and yet you turned that into an opportunity to try to right your wrong. I think many people (likely me!) would have just retreated in shame.
On point. I can imagine that Swift is taking advice from a manager or publicist, urging her to retreat. But when there is documentation...well...then things get tricky. An apology would be great, but is probably not forthcoming. And I was also fascinated by the “Bad Art Friend” story. In the case of It Ends With Us, I still assume that Baldoni is the a-hole in this scenario, because this is so often the case in situations where an actress feels ill-used on a film set, especially when the director is also the male lead...an actress will feel overpowered by the double role of the director—that's a lot of power. And the irony is that this is a story about domestic abuse! I have not seen the movie, and one reason was because I wondered how a male director/actor could convincingly bring to life the world of a woman who is in an abusive relationship. I contrast the conflicts that arose from this not-so-great-movie with the effusive commentary about the friendship and good vibes on the set of Hamnet, where Chloe Zhao as director went above and beyond to ensure that her two stars were able to bond as on-screen lovers and fully inhabit the passion and complex emotions of their characters. What I think we need is more female directors so that actresses feel safer on sets.
What a great essay Becky. I was fascinated by the Bad Art Friend saga too. What I remember was someone who edited a magazine tweeting about how there were always 'Dawns' around, but they were needed - to keep the writing business afloat. Her snide attitude, publicly shared, has stuck with me.
go becky! I've been out of the loop of this story but you are the best. I have a few more revelations about the kidneygate episode I'll try to share with you, again I think they are more about my relationship with the writing community than dawn or sonya. Thanks for writing this & thanks to Sari.
I'm proud of you, Becky! This is so hard to do, even on a private level, but to have to do it publicly. Gah! And yet you did! Brave soul, stout heart. Good for you!
There's the parallax that comes with when our discreet acts get aired and epiphany can be the outcome as we gain perspective. When that epiphany isn't positive or favorable, it's a mark of our worth as humans that we look that mirror in the face and say, No, I'm so sorry. Self-critique is so liberating. Thank you Becky for showing how you bit the bullet. The herd mentality that comes with some manifestations of cancel culture may borrow a leaf from your example.
You have highlighted what betrayal is in many ways. Betrayal when what we believe to be our private thoughts and communications are exposed to the world. Betrayal by a friend who might not have been completely upfront & honest with us. Betrayal of oneself for not seeing clearly some of our worst character flaws. And the opportunity for redemption and forgiveness. A message for all of us beautifully written.
Wow Becky - now your interest in this crazy triangle makes a lot of sense! You’ve been the outside bestie caught up in the necessity of Mean Girl Emotional Support! I understand completely where you are coming from. I’ve never experienced a public airing of my bestie berate by Necessary Loyalty but there’s no doubt I’m always willing to go overboard for my bestie’s sake! Now that I’ve read your parallel Universe ( stripped of a billion dollars for you and millions for the suing pair’s lifestyles ) I plan to be a little less enormous in my Mean Girl fandom support. I think it’s in “The Good Book” but it might be legal code instead : let your yes be yes & your no be no. In brief don’t exaggerate support or rejection. Think I will come in closer to the dock next time a bestie is fishing for support ! Well written Becky Tuch.
I think we all get carried away at times supporting a friend. And who among us would want our private emails and texts shared with the world? The horror! Once I called a friend on something she did wrong and she was stunned. She was like "You're supposed to have my back," and I was like, "Not in this case, sorry." We are not friends anymore but it is for the best...
Incredible. This is so spot on...and probably exactly why you were meant to be obsessed with the story, so that at this moment you would even know this playing out for her and feel the waves of what you stared down. Thank you, Becky, for your courage. It's an inspiration.
I love how you started with an innocent confession only to guide us toward a huge one. Courage shines through. Apologizing, owning up — feels like the hardest thing in the world. But the relief, the lightness? It's accepting our humanness. And with that comes higher acceptance of others. Bravo
Becky, this was such a bold way to approach your experience and insight into this celebrity story that keeps feeling more and more complicated to me. I can only imagine how hard it must have been to see your emails publicly shared and reckon with what was in them and yet you turned that into an opportunity to try to right your wrong. I think many people (likely me!) would have just retreated in shame.
On point. I can imagine that Swift is taking advice from a manager or publicist, urging her to retreat. But when there is documentation...well...then things get tricky. An apology would be great, but is probably not forthcoming. And I was also fascinated by the “Bad Art Friend” story. In the case of It Ends With Us, I still assume that Baldoni is the a-hole in this scenario, because this is so often the case in situations where an actress feels ill-used on a film set, especially when the director is also the male lead...an actress will feel overpowered by the double role of the director—that's a lot of power. And the irony is that this is a story about domestic abuse! I have not seen the movie, and one reason was because I wondered how a male director/actor could convincingly bring to life the world of a woman who is in an abusive relationship. I contrast the conflicts that arose from this not-so-great-movie with the effusive commentary about the friendship and good vibes on the set of Hamnet, where Chloe Zhao as director went above and beyond to ensure that her two stars were able to bond as on-screen lovers and fully inhabit the passion and complex emotions of their characters. What I think we need is more female directors so that actresses feel safer on sets.
If only Tay-Tay knew how much you see of yourself in her. In hindsight, Swift will see the importance of an apology.
What a great essay Becky. I was fascinated by the Bad Art Friend saga too. What I remember was someone who edited a magazine tweeting about how there were always 'Dawns' around, but they were needed - to keep the writing business afloat. Her snide attitude, publicly shared, has stuck with me.
go becky! I've been out of the loop of this story but you are the best. I have a few more revelations about the kidneygate episode I'll try to share with you, again I think they are more about my relationship with the writing community than dawn or sonya. Thanks for writing this & thanks to Sari.
Great article. I’m very impressed that you spoke up and apologized. Most people don’t have the guts to do that. Brava.
I'm proud of you, Becky! This is so hard to do, even on a private level, but to have to do it publicly. Gah! And yet you did! Brave soul, stout heart. Good for you!
Love that you're willing to be vulnerable and share your story.
There's the parallax that comes with when our discreet acts get aired and epiphany can be the outcome as we gain perspective. When that epiphany isn't positive or favorable, it's a mark of our worth as humans that we look that mirror in the face and say, No, I'm so sorry. Self-critique is so liberating. Thank you Becky for showing how you bit the bullet. The herd mentality that comes with some manifestations of cancel culture may borrow a leaf from your example.
You have highlighted what betrayal is in many ways. Betrayal when what we believe to be our private thoughts and communications are exposed to the world. Betrayal by a friend who might not have been completely upfront & honest with us. Betrayal of oneself for not seeing clearly some of our worst character flaws. And the opportunity for redemption and forgiveness. A message for all of us beautifully written.
Wow Becky - now your interest in this crazy triangle makes a lot of sense! You’ve been the outside bestie caught up in the necessity of Mean Girl Emotional Support! I understand completely where you are coming from. I’ve never experienced a public airing of my bestie berate by Necessary Loyalty but there’s no doubt I’m always willing to go overboard for my bestie’s sake! Now that I’ve read your parallel Universe ( stripped of a billion dollars for you and millions for the suing pair’s lifestyles ) I plan to be a little less enormous in my Mean Girl fandom support. I think it’s in “The Good Book” but it might be legal code instead : let your yes be yes & your no be no. In brief don’t exaggerate support or rejection. Think I will come in closer to the dock next time a bestie is fishing for support ! Well written Becky Tuch.
Sari, can you elaborate on your read on it?
I don't have time to get into it, but I don't think Becky is being any kind of mean girl here.
I think we all get carried away at times supporting a friend. And who among us would want our private emails and texts shared with the world? The horror! Once I called a friend on something she did wrong and she was stunned. She was like "You're supposed to have my back," and I was like, "Not in this case, sorry." We are not friends anymore but it is for the best...
This is great, Becky 💛