The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #20: Rachel Zimmerman
"When my writing reveals something about my life that I didn’t see until it appeared on the page – that’s a great surprise."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the twentieth installment, featuring Rachel Zimmerman, author of Us, After: A Memoir of Love and Suicide . -Sari Botton
Rachel Zimmerman, an award-winning journalist, has been writing about health and wellness for more than two decades. She currently reports on mental health for The Washington Post. Previously, she worked as a staff reporter for The Wall Street Journal and a health reporter for WBUR, Boston’s NPR station. Her reporting and essays have appeared in The New York Times; The Atlantic; Vogue.com; O, the Oprah Magazine; The Cut, The Huffington Post and Slate, among other publications. She co-authored THE DOULA GUIDE TO BIRTH (Bantam Books/Random House) and THE HEALING POWER OF STORYTELLING (North Atlantic Books).
CW: Suicide
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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
60! Writing since middle school.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
Us, After: A Memoir of Love and Suicide, publication date: June 30, 2024
What number book is this for you?
I’ve co-authored two books, THE DOULA GUIDE TO BIRTH (Bantam Books/Random House) and THE HEALING POWER OF STORYTELLING (North Atlantic Books), but this is the first book I’ve written on my own.
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
Definitely a memoir. It’s my story of rebuilding family life after a devastating loss.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
This is the story of what happened after a state trooper appeared at my door to report that my husband had jumped to his death off a bridge near our home. I fell to my knees, unable to fully absorb the news. How could the man I’d married, a devoted father and robotics professor at MIT, have committed such a violent act? How would I explain this to my young daughters? And could I have stopped him?
As a longtime journalist, I probed obsessively, believing answers would help me survive. Ultimately, Us, After is an examination of domestic devastation and resurgence, digging into the struggle between public and private selves, life's shifting perspectives, the work of motherhood, and the secrets we keep. In confronting the unimaginable I eventually discovered the good in what remains.
This is the story of what happened after a state trooper appeared at my door to report that my husband had jumped to his death off a bridge near our home. I fell to my knees, unable to fully absorb the news. How could the man I’d married, a devoted father and robotics professor at MIT, have committed such a violent act? How would I explain this to my young daughters? And could I have stopped him?
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
I have been a journalist for more than 25 years, and so, tend to view the events of my life through a Nora-Ephron-Everything-Is-Copy lens. Just days after my husband’s suicide, I began thinking of it as a “story,” albeit a terrible one that I wished was not mine. How that story would ultimately look and feel took years to figure out, partly because I was living it, and because it was so painful. The first raw pages were an attempt to clarify the extreme feelings around his death and the slog of single parenting, but that morphed into writing myself and my children as characters and developing a narrative structure. I began to write scenes, then essays, then, eventually, took an intensive memoir class at Grub Street, in Boston, where the full manuscript began to emerge.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
The material, of course, was emotionally fraught and difficult to continually revisit and investigate. As a reporter, I’d so often written about other people’s misfortunes, but when the bad luck was mine, part of me just wanted to shut it down, not face it. But I know that storytelling is what I do to understand events, and exert some tiny bit of control over my world, so this story had to be confronted. For me that meant writing it down. The book’s path to publication was bumpy and turned out nothing like I’d imagined. I sent the manuscript to at least 50 agents, and many of them said, essentially, “This is beautiful and important, but I don’t know how I’m going to sell it.” The rejection felt personal. I’d pretty much given up on finding an agent when I sent the material to the Santa Fe Writers Project Literary Awards contest. I won second prize and was offered a book deal. Surprisingly, the independent press route has been a dream.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
Many members of my family appear in the book, and I did run passages by them, mainly for fact-checking since some of these events happened years ago and I wanted fresh eyes on my memories. The most important readers were my two daughters, who were 8 and 11 when their father died and are now young adults. I told them they could change anything, including their names. Neither changed anything; my older daughter said it was the best memoir she’d ever read.
For other people, there was more negotiating involved. I didn’t change any material that substantially altered my story, but I did protect some people by withholding their real names and identifying features. It was a long process and involved some painful, difficult discussions. Certain people are still angry over my narrative decisions, and I have to live with that. Still, I am glad I ran passages by people before publication, rather than after the fact.
The material, of course, was emotionally fraught and difficult to continually revisit and investigate. As a reporter, I’d so often written about other people’s misfortunes, but when the bad luck was mine, part of me just wanted to shut it down, not face it. But I know that storytelling is what I do to understand events, and exert some tiny bit of control over my world, so this story had to be confronted.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
The voices of many writers reverberated in my brain while I wrote this memoir, including, Elizabeth Alexander, Jamaica Kincaid, Amy Bloom, Lucy Grealy, Lidia Yuknavitch, Melissa Febos, Jesmyn Ward, Meghan O’Rourke, Grace Paley, Roxane Gay, Elif Batuman, Joan Didion and Suleika Jaouad, among many others.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
Just get up every day and write something even if it sucks. This is easier said than done. I am one of those writers who obsesses over the first paragraph and have a hard time continuing unless the beginning is polished. So, moving on is hard for me. Still, I try. Also, working as a journalist for so many years, I need deadlines. For this memoir, taking classes, and writing with other writers was critical to simply getting the words on the page.
What do you love about writing?
I love losing track of time when I write, and I love my characters and I love coming up with a plot twist while jogging or in the shower. I find it reassuring to view the events of life as narrative turning points, and how the process of writing reveals worlds. I love the way everyone can tell a story, and so it is something that unites us.
What frustrates you about writing?
It’s a lonely pursuit and so easy to procrastinate and do everything but write.
What about writing surprises you?
People’s reactions always surprise me; it’s so hard to know how your own writing might land with others. I once showed an essay to my mother that touched on some of our difficult moments, and braced myself for a response. She didn’t react to anything I thought she would; instead she asked me to change a line about cooking scrambled eggs for my kids. “Couldn’t you have me cooking something a little more sophisticated?” she asked. (This is paraphrased.) When my writing reveals something about my life that I didn’t see until it appeared on the page — that’s a great surprise.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine, or writing at specific times?
I am a morning person, so that’s when I write and when I think most clearly. I wake up before everyone else, usually in the 6 or 6:30am range, make coffee, scan the news, and then force myself to work on some piece of writing, even if it’s just reorganizing material. I play tricks like this: I tell myself, I’m just going to open the document with this piece of writing in it and read it over. This is generally a gateway to actual writing, but if I think about it too much I’ll never start. Sometimes, in fact, I just re-read a piece, or tinker, and then put it down. When I have a deadline, though, I’m extremely efficient.
I didn’t change any material that substantially altered my story, but I did protect some people by withholding their real names and identifying features. It was a long process and involved some painful, difficult discussions. Certain people are still angry over my narrative decisions, and I have to live with that. Still, I am glad I ran passages by people before publication, rather than after the fact.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
I just joined a dance company, Back Pocket Dancers, which makes me feel young again and engages a different part of my brain. I am also the resident choreographer for The North Cambridge Family Opera, which is, like it sounds, a local group of performers, age 7 to over 70. We produce fully sung original “operas” — the very first was an opera of Star Wars. My two daughters and I were part of this group for over 10 years (they can sing, I muddle through) and even though they no longer participate, I do. You can see me as an alien rebel in Space Opera if you Google it.
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
I’m in the early stages of a novel, an intergenerational mother-daughter mystery, with echoes of Edna St. Vincent Millay and the renegade psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich. Also, I’ve been writing essays, so perhaps a collection of those, which would be much simpler.
I cannot even imagine how hard it had been for you to write your memoir. I love the title: US, AFTER. It is like you are talking to your husband, what happened after his suicide and how you survived. After my best girlfriend's suicide, I asked myself, how i couldn't see it, my guilt had been tremendous. My deepest congratulations with your book and your opera and dancing passions.
Thanks for sharing your story Rachel, added to my to-read list.