The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #29: Barrie Miskin

"Right now, my daughter knows that mommy got very sick when she was pregnant and that I wrote the book to help other moms who may have gone through the same thing."

Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.

Here’s the twenty-ninth installment, featuring Barrie Miskin, author of Hell Gate Bridge: A Memoir of Motherhood, Madness and Hope. -Sari Botton

---

Barrie Miskin. Photograph by Jena Cumbo.

Barrie Miskin's writing has appeared in Romper, Hobart, Narratively, Expat Press and elsewhere. Her interviews can be found in Write or Die magazine, where she is a regular contributor. Barrie is also a teacher in Astoria, New York, where she lives with her husband and daughter. Hell Gate Bridge is her first book. You can find Barrie on Twitter and Instagram at @barrie_m, and you can read more on her website.

—

How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?

I’m 46 years old. I didn’t begin writing in earnest until right before my 43^rd birthday, when I took an intro to memoir class with Sarah Perry at the 92^nd Street Y.

What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?

Hell Gate Bridge: A Memoir of Motherhood, Madness and Hope. It was published by Woodhall Press in June 2024

What number book is this for you?

This is number one!

How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?

Hell Gate Bridge is a pretty straightforward memoir. It chronicles the time during and after my pregnancy when I was contending with a severe and mysterious maternal mental illness.

What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?

In the summer of 2016, I became pregnant and discontinued my decade-long antidepressant regimen, triggering unforeseen events. By January 2017, I was unrecognizable to myself and others, and the world became unrecognizable to me. Eventually diagnosed with pregnancy-induced depersonalization and derealization disorder, I faced a challenging recovery while raising my daughter, maintaining my teaching career and preserving my marriage.

Hell Gate Bridge sheds light on rarely discussed maternal and mental illnesses and exposes flaws in our mental healthcare system, all while illustrating the power of determination when we fight to save the relationships we hold most dear.

In the summer of 2016, I became pregnant and discontinued my decade-long antidepressant regimen, triggering unforeseen events. By January 2017, I was unrecognizable to myself and others, and the world became unrecognizable to me. Eventually diagnosed with pregnancy-induced depersonalization and derealization disorder, I faced a challenging recovery while raising my daughter, maintaining my teaching career and preserving my marriage.

What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was in first grade and received an honorable mention in a writing contest for my short story, “The Ice Skater”. Unfortunately, “The Ice Skater” was the last thing I wrote and published until I began writing Hell Gate Bridge nearly thirty years later. I just didn’t have the confidence.

I’ve always been a reader though, and during the pandemic I was reading a book a week. It was the same sensation of hearing a song over and over again on the radio and then suddenly, you know all the words and the song’s rhythms are inside you. Something just clicked and I knew I was ready to write, that I finally had those rhythms and words in me. I also felt like I had an important story to tell.

I took an intro to memoir writing class with Sarah Perry, who is the author of the memoir After the Eclipse. Sarah was and is an incredible teacher and writer and became my mentor. For our first class, Sarah gave us the prompt write about a time you got lost. That prompt became the prologue to Hell Gate Bridge.

Order the book…

What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?

I wrote the book very quickly – it only took about three months to write a first draft. I got an agent fairly quickly as well. Selling the book, however, was another story. We submitted to something around eighteen publishers, maybe more, and were kindly, yet soundly rejected from each one. Memoir is a challenging category and is even more challenging for a writer whose last published work was when they were six.

After about a year of being on submission, we were going to pull the book. While the process was painful and frustrating, by the time we were ready to pull the manuscript, I had made peace with the experience. In the eleventh hour, though, Woodhall Press, a tiny but mighty publishing house, came through and said they wanted to publish Hell Gate Bridge. I remember getting that email while I was at work and bursting into tears at my desk. I was so happy.  

How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?

In the book, all the people close to me, good friends and family, have kept their real names and identifying details and have been very gracious and okay with that. They all read the book early on in the process and have been supportive the whole way through.

I changed the names of the hospitals and institutions and of course the patients and doctors. I do hope that if they recognize themselves in the pages that they feel I’ve honored them and done them justice.

The hardest thing for me though, is my daughter. When I wrote the book, she had just turned three. Now she is seven and a reader and I didn’t really think about her reading the book at the time. I worry that it will be very painful for her. I’ve been working with a psychiatrist on a plan to introduce the story to her. Right now, she knows that mommy got very sick when she was pregnant and that I wrote the book to help other moms who may have gone through the same thing. She knows I go to a “feelings doctor” because I get depressed and anxious. She understands those emotions. But my psychiatrist and I think that she is still too young, so for now, we keep the book hidden on a high shelf in the closet and think we will introduce it to her when she’s in her early teens. That’s the plan for now.

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was in first grade and received an honorable mention in a writing contest for my short story, “The Ice Skater”. Unfortunately, “The Ice Skater” was the last thing I wrote and published until I began writing Hell Gate Bridge nearly thirty years later. I just didn’t have the confidence.

Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)

Susannah Cahalan’s Brain on Fire and Catherine Cho’s Inferno were my North Stars. I kept their books beside me like talismans through the entire process and have probably read each about thirty times.

What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?

Don’t be afraid to reach out to other writers you admire. Send those DMs! People in the writing community are so friendly and gracious, it’s actually astounding. You can really find a wealth of support to lean on as you undertake your writing journey.

What do you love about writing?

I’ve always loved being a teacher and I love being a mom and I was more than content with those roles being both my path and my passions in life. But then when writing came to me, it was like being presented with this gift, like a precious jewel. I know that sounds overwrought, but it really feels true to me. It’s like I still can’t believe this gift belongs to me.

What frustrates you about writing?

Time! Writing takes time and a certain amount of diligence. Depending on childcare and the busy seasons of work, it can be hard to fit that in.

What about writing surprises you?

The best thing about writing for me is the relationships with other writers, especially other women writers, that have grown and developed as a result of this experience. As I mentioned before, the writing community is so supportive and strong. Over the years that I’ve been writing, I’ve been so lucky to develop relationships with other writers that nurture me not only as a writer, but as a mother, a woman and a friend.

Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine, or writing at specific times?

When I wrote Hell Gate Bridge, it was during the pandemic and I was teaching my class online and our daughter was in daycare. I had a break from 11 am – 2 pm every day and that was such a blissful sweet spot to churn out a solid number of pages.

I wish I was one of those people who can wake up at dawn to write their morning pages or stay up late but unfortunately, I’m not. I fit good chunks of writing in during the summer months when I’m off from teaching and our daughter is at camp. My job is also flexible enough where I can fit in an hour or two when I have a prep time at work.

I was also completely and utterly obsessed with writing Hell Gate Bridge. I knew I would make time for it no matter what because that story just had to get out of my brain and onto the page. I haven’t quite found another project yet that I’m obsessed with in the same way but I trust and hope that I will and when it comes, I’m sure I’ll figure out a way to focus on it for a good chunk of the day in the same way.

When I wrote the book, my daughter had just turned three. Now she is seven and a reader and I didn’t really think about her reading the book at the time. I worry that it will be very painful for her. I’ve been working with a psychiatrist on a plan to introduce the story to her…My psychiatrist and I think that she is still too young, so for now, we keep the book hidden on a high shelf in the closet and think we will introduce it to her when she’s in her early teens.

Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?

Reading this question made me realize that I really don’t! How sad! I work full time as a Literacy Specialist and have a first grade daughter and then try to fit writing in around those responsibilities. I want to say yoga or meditation or painting, but I think I’ve only done yoga twice in the past year, meditated once in the past decade and I have never once picked up a paintbrush in my adult life.

What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?

Last summer, I tried my hand at writing a novel. I’m obsessed with literary thrillers like Lindsay Hunter’s Hot Springs Drive or Nicola Maye Goldberg’s Nothing Can Hurt You and wanted to write something in the same vein. Needless to say, after about 150 pages I sadly learned that my talents do not lie in the fiction realm and my half-finished literary thriller now lives in the proverbial drawer. 

For me, writing nonfiction seems to fit and flow more easily. I’d love to write a collection of essays in the same style of my literary heroes Leslie Jamison, Margo Steines and Melissa Febos. I have some ideas floating around in the ether and can’t wait to solidify them into words on the page. 

---

Check out all the interviews in The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire series.