The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #93: Emily Adrian
"I’m uncomfortable writing memoir. On some level I don’t understand why anything I claim really happened should be more reliable or truthful than my fiction."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the 93rd installment, featuring Emily Adrian, author most recently of Daughterhood. -Sari Botton
P.S. Check out all the interviews in The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire series.
Emily Adrian is the author of the memoir Daughterhood, the forthcoming novel Seduction Theory, and four other books. Her work has appeared in Granta, The Point, Joyland, EPOCH, and Alta Journal. Originally from Portland, Oregon, Emily currently lives in New Haven, Connecticut.
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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
I’m 35. I’ve always written, but I started writing for publication when I was 21.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
Daughterhood. August, 2024.
What number book is this for you?
My fifth.
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
Part interview, part autofiction, part memoir. The book alternates between an interview I did with my mom over Zoom, a fictionalized narrative about the parts of her life she described to me, and my own experiences as a mother.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
“Emily Adrian is determined to see her mother Ellen clearly. Daughterhood charts a map of Ellen’s life before and after she became Emily’s mother. As a high schooler, Ellen lived alone in a trailer park on the outskirts of Portland, Oregon. At 18, she had a job counting wild horses in the Steens Mountain Wilderness. She was engaged three times before her 21st birthday and finally married in the Salt Lake Temple—but her Mormon husband left her when he found her birth control pills. For the author, these stories were half-forgotten folklore until she had a child of her own. Overwhelmed and challenged by motherhood, Emily turns a novelistic eye toward the woman who raised her.”
“Emily Adrian is determined to see her mother Ellen clearly. Daughterhood charts a map of Ellen’s life before and after she became Emily’s mother. As a high schooler, Ellen lived alone in a trailer park on the outskirts of Portland, Oregon. At 18, she had a job counting wild horses in the Steens Mountain Wilderness. She was engaged three times before her 21st birthday and finally married in the Salt Lake Temple—but her Mormon husband left her when he found her birth control pills. For the author, these stories were half-forgotten folklore until she had a child of her own. Overwhelmed and challenged by motherhood, Emily turns a novelistic eye toward the woman who raised her.”
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
I’ve always been a fiction writer, and for years I tried to write bits of my mother’s biography into my fiction. I tried to write about a teenager counting wild horses in eastern Oregon; I tried to write about sprawling Mormon families and girls escaping the church. But none of those stories took. I’d always thought of those borrowed narratives as mementos from a previous era, relevant to the girl Ellen had been but not the mother she became.
Then I had a baby and realized those identities are inseparable; everything that’s ever happened to a person shapes their parenting. I wanted to write about my mom more than ever, but it couldn’t be fiction. The questions I wanted to answer were about her, and myself, and my son.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
I’m uncomfortable writing memoir. On some level I don’t understand why anything I claim really happened should be more reliable or truthful than my fiction. The process of translating memory to narrative sometimes feels overly contrived, manipulative. I’m happier when I can bury all that artifice in the stuff of fiction: vivid details, heightened characterization, humor, plot twists, unexpected settings, etc.
With Daughterhood, I tried to do that anyway, all while maintaining a kind of loyalty to my mom and accurately portraying the environment she grew up in. But the result is a little hard to categorize (memoir? autofiction? can you write autofiction about someone else?) which may have made the book a tough sell.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
I used a fake name for anyone who might object to their appearance in the book. My mom read a few drafts of the manuscript and asked me to change certain things, mostly for accuracy, but occasionally to respect another person’s privacy. I made the changes she asked for. There were moments in our interview when she prefaced a story with, “Don’t put this in the book,” and I did put it in the book, noting that she’d asked me not to. For whatever reason, she let those moments remain in the final version.
I’ve always been a fiction writer, and for years I tried to write bits of my mother’s biography into my fiction. I tried to write about a teenager counting wild horses in eastern Oregon; I tried to write about sprawling Mormon families and girls escaping the church. But none of those stories took. I’d always thought of those borrowed narratives as mementos from a previous era, relevant to the girl Ellen had been but not the mother she became. Then I had a baby and realized those identities are inseparable; everything that’s ever happened to a person shapes their parenting.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
I was inspired by Jeannie Vanasco’s memoirs: The Glass Eye, about her father, and Things We Didn’t Talk About When I Was A Girl, in which she interviews her rapist. Both books broadened my understanding of what a memoir can do and what form it might take. Justin Taylor’s memoir Riding with the Ghost also helped me to think about structure in memoir, how it can be tight and focused without denying the messiness and contradictions of real life.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
My students will often tell me they want to write a memoir but fear retaliation from a litigious uncle (or similar character). My advice is always to temporarily forget about the uncle and write the book. The best version of your book will be more important to you than your anxieties about it—but not until you’ve actually written it.
What do you love about writing?
Staying home with the dog.
What frustrates you about writing?
Running out of time.
What about writing surprises you?
How hungry I get.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine or writing at specific times?
I wish! I have an eight-year-old son and am very pregnant; I also teach and edit. Routine-wise I’m often in survival mode, but writing is always part of survival mode.
My students will often tell me they want to write a memoir but fear retaliation from a litigious uncle (or similar character). My advice is always to temporarily forget about the uncle and write the book. The best version of your book will be more important to you than your anxieties about it—but not until you’ve actually written it.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities do you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
Much of what distracts me from writing also feels deeply supportive of the process: having a family. Hiking. Animals. Friendship. Running. Teaching. I don’t consider these things writing, but I don’t know what I’d write about if I didn’t do them.
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
Yes! My novel Seduction Theory will be published by Little, Brown in August. It’s about badly behaved professors—and a student who seeks revenge.
" I don’t understand why anything I claim really happened should be more reliable or truthful than my fiction." What a fascinating concept. I need to mull this one over!!
And I'm totally buying your book discussed in this interview, btw.