The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #152: Mary Elizabeth Williams
"What I really love to do is use my experiences as a jumping off point to talk about larger issues, to learn, and to interview people."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the 152nd installment, featuring journalist, podcaster, and memoirist Mary Elizabeth Williams, author, most recently, of A Series of Catastrophes and Miracles: A True Story of Love, Science, and Cancer. - Sari Botton
P.S. Check out all the interviews in The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire series.
Mary Elizabeth Williams is an award-winning journalist and the author of two memoirs, “Gimme Shelter” and “A Series of Catastrophes & Miracles.” In 2022, her New York Times Modern Love column was adapted for Amazon Prime. A stage 4 cancer survivor and one of the first people in the world to participate in a groundbreaking immunotherapy clinical trial, she now serves of multiple patient advisory boards and consults and speaks on access, equity, and healthcare. She’s currently a doctoral candidate of medical humanities at Drew University and a postgraduate student in conflict resolution at Strathclyde University Glasgow. Her substack and podcast are called Patient.
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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
59 years old, and have been writing almost as long. As a kid, I would come home from field trips and write reviews of them.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
My last book, A Series of Catastrophes & Miracles, published in 2016.
What number book is this for you?
Second.
I heard a lot of, “There are already so many cancer memoirs” and got rejected by everybody. EVERYBODY. Then I got a Modern Love published, and suddenly people were interested. I had to hold my ground that I didn’t want to write a book about my marriage per se. I wanted to write it about this scientific breakthrough that was still largely unknown. And about my best friend. She’s such a crucial part of the story. We were the same age, had similar lifestyles. But she didn’t survive, because cancer is a random bitch.
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
I call both of my books reported memoirs. What I really love to do is use my experiences as a jumping off point to talk about larger issues, to learn, and to interview people. In 2020, my last book won an award from the American Medical Writers Association, which was a huge deal for me, a very unscientific person.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
“After a devastating diagnosis, writer Mary Elizabeth Williams was given only months to live. Instead, she became one of the first people in the world in a clinical trial that would change the course of cancer treatment. But at the same time, her best friend was also diagnosed —and faced a different future.”
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
I went to film school and started my career at a studio, but I really only ever wanted to write. I was doing stuff for alternative newspapers and zines (remember ZINES?) at first, and moved on to bigger things. I was a staff writer at Salon when I was diagnosed with cancer, and wrote my first piece about it the day after that initial call from the doctor. I was writing in real time about the worst and bleakest of it, and through when I realized I was going to live. I always wanted it to be a book.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
The book was a tough sell. I heard a lot of, “There are already so many cancer memoirs” and got rejected by everybody. EVERYBODY. Then I got a Modern Love published, and suddenly people were interested. I had to hold my ground that I didn’t want to write a book about my marriage per se. I wanted to write it about this scientific breakthrough that was still largely unknown. And about my best friend. She’s such a crucial part of the story. We were the same age, had similar lifestyles. But she didn’t survive, because cancer is a random bitch. In the end, National Geographic was the absolute right publisher, because they gave me the freedom to write about science.
I was a staff writer at Salon when I was diagnosed with cancer, and wrote my first piece about it the day after that initial call from the doctor. I was writing in real time about the worst and bleakest of it, and through when I realized I was going to live. I always wanted it to be a book.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
I got my book deal the same week Debbie was told to get her affairs in order. When I asked her what I should write about her, she told me, “Take everything.” I’ll never forget that. Her husband was very generous with her story too. I worked very closely with people who very integral to the story, including my own husband. I showed the people I care about their parts, and we hashed out together a collaborative version of events and dialogue.
And with my doctors, I fact checked their experience of my treatment, as well as the in depth, journalism parts of the book. The people who sucked, I wrote about and changed their names. It helped that I’d been writing for Salon and for what I hoped would be the book the whole time. I know it’s as accurate as possible. When I’ve written about other things in my career, I have to accept other people may remember them differently.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
Cheryl Strayed’s Wild was pivotal during the writing of the book. It was THE book at the time, and so honest and raw and vulnerable. I wish I could write like Cheryl Strayed. In Cold Blood is one of my all-time favorite books. It’s not a memoir, but the way Capote made journalism literary, the way he’s such a force in his own right in the story, it’s just everything.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
First I’d ask, is your dream to write a book, or publish a book? Because it’s great holding a book with your name on it in your hands, but the first and most important thing is to have a story you’re burning to share. And then don’t psych yourself out. Everyone has a story, and no one else has yours.
Don’t try to make your story something it’s not, or that you don’t want it to be. I had potential agents and publishers tell me the dumbest things in the world, and in the end the people I clicked with just wanted to help me make the book I wanted to write better.
What do you love about writing?
I love the puzzle solving aspect. I love having a lump of ideas and turning them into something that I know is completely in my voice. That feeling of yes, YES, that’s what I was trying to say.
What frustrates you about writing?
When I read back what I’ve worked really hard on it and it sucks and I don’t know how to fix it. When I spend forever crafting a phrase or a whole chapter and then I realize I’ve got to throw it out. Oh god, that kills me.
My dissertation has autoethnographic elements, and I’d gone pretty far into it when I realized I absolutely had to do a hard pivot. I really believe nothing is ever wasted and the things you lose are still deep in the bones of the final work, but holy crap it’s painful to hit that delete button.
What about writing surprises you?
With memoir, the way the story keeps changing in your own head. There are parts of my book that felt so different when I was actually writing it for deadline than when I was living through it in real time. And there are definitely parts that feel very different in my memory now, years later.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine, or writing at specific times?
I wrote both my books at night and on weekends, around everything else in my life. I feel lately like I don’t have enough urgency to do this next thing, and so I need to really be stricter with myself about getting the ass in the chair. I definitely do believe however in focused time. As in, you’re going to sit and you’re going to write something, anything, for x amount of time, and you can fix it later. You can dick around forever and never get anything done otherwise.
I got my book deal the same week Debbie was told to get her affairs in order. When I asked her what I should write about her, she told me, “Take everything.” I’ll never forget that. Her husband was very generous with her story too. I worked very closely with people who very integral to the story, including my own husband. I showed the people I care about their parts, and we hashed out together a collaborative version of events and dialogue.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
I know there’s writing involved in my new podcast, but that feels like a very different beast. Talking to people—well, really, listening to people—is the other hat I wear that I love. Recreationally, I run, I bake, I google places to go for a change of scenery for the day and I try to go to them.
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
My hope is for the dissertation to adapted as a mass market book. It’s a very different kind of beast, because it so research-intensive and has a different function than my other works, but like everything I do, it’s also deeply personal. It’s not dry. I could never do dry, even in academia.
I loved doing this! Thank you!
I already subscribe to Mary, but from a writing perspective this was such an important snapshot of process and inner struggle. I particularly appreciated the part(s) about working to tell the story you want to tell (not what others think you should). Thank you for reminding me!