The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #56: Jamie Marich
"I knew that in writing about spiritual abuse and religious trauma, it couldn’t just be technical and 'memoirish.' I had to write it as a memoir..."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the 56th installment, featuring , author most recently of You Lied to Me About God: A Memoir. -Sari Botton
Dr. Jamie Marich (she/they/we) began her career as a humanitarian aid worker in Bosnia-Herzegovina where they primarily taught English and music from 2000 to 2003. Jamie travels internationally, teaching on topics related to trauma, EMDR Therapy, expressive arts, mindfulness and yoga, while maintaining a private practice and online education operations in her home base of Akron, Ohio.
Marich’s previous books include Dissociation Made Simple, EMDR Made Simple, Trauma Made Simple, Dancing Mindfulness, Process Not Perfection, Trauma and the 12 Steps, in addition to other titles. Her latest release from publisher North Atlantic Books is You Lied to Me About God: A Memoir (October 15, 2024).
The New York Times featured Marich’s writing and work on Dancing Mindfulness in 2017 and 2020. NALGAP awarded Jamie with their esteemed President’s Award in 2015 for her work as an LGBT+ advocate. The EMDR International Association (EMDRIA) granted Marich the 2019 Advocacy in EMDR Award for her using her public platform to advance awareness about EMDR and to reduce stigma around mental health. The Huffington Post published her personal story of being out as a clinical professional with a dissociative disorder in May 2023.
Check out all goodies related to her book releases at: www.redefinetherapy.com You can visit Jamie’s professional site at: www.jamiemarich.com
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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
45; I’ve been writing since I was a child—teachers identified us as “good” at it and we won or placed in several contests during our various levels of schooling. We finished our doctoral dissertation, a major piece of scholarly writing, in 2009, and our first book came out in 2011.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
You Lied to Me About God: A Memoir (North Atlantic Books, October 15, 2024)
What number book is this for you?
Is it sad to say I’ve lost count? Including curriculum manuals and books that are now out of print or absorbed into the content of other books, around 17.
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
This newest release is a memoir. Other titles of mine I consider “memoirish” as I do not shy away from being personal. Yet this one I wrote as a memoir. I couldn’t write about this content any other way.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
My testimony as a survivor of spiritual abuse in two high-demand religions, growing up with a Catholic mother, and a father who converted to a very Christian nationalist brand of Evangelical Christianity when I was 5 years old. My parents stayed married, and even though they fought over so many things around faith and had a fear of “losing” me to the other Christian religion, they both despised many of the same things, like being queer. As a queer, different child with a feminist soul, this upbringing was tough and amplified many of the other abuses and traumas we experienced. As if two Christian religions wasn’t enough, we also ended up at an ashram in our adulthood and struggled to navigate the cult-like dynamics of our profession too. I do hope that we tell this story with a degree of candor and humor that allows other survivors of spiritual abuse or religious trauma to see a path forward for themselves by identifying the lies that they have been told about God and about themselves in God’s name.
This book was both the easiest and the hardest book I ever had to write. It was easy because it had to be written—it flowed out of me and felt like the natural extension of twenty years of therapy and other healing practices. The hardest part was taking a risk by writing it, knowing that I would be pissing other people off—both in my family and in the Christosupremicist culture that is the land of my birth.
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
Writing and many other expressive arts (singing, dancing, and theater especially) served as a lifeline for me growing up in a home where feelings were best left avoided. Through writing and the expressive arts I’ve been able to find my voice, which serves as a powerful companion through both trauma and addiction recovery.
I am a well-known clinical writer in my field, having written several books now on trauma, dissociation, addiction, and recovery. Even though I know how to write academically (and have several peer-reviewed journal articles in prestigious journals to my credit), such writing never felt honest to me. I’m trying to impress someone else when I write that way and fundamentally be someone that I am not. I’m grateful that my clinical books do carry a friendly tone for clinicians, and I’m blessed to have worked with publishers that support such a voice. A few books I decided to publish on my own over the years to really preserve my own voice.
Although I’ve developed a talent for teaching to both clinicians and motivated members about the general public about clinical issues that doesn’t shy away from authenticity, I knew that in writing about spiritual abuse and religious trauma, it couldn’t just be technical and “memoirish.” I had to write it as a memoir, and I’m grateful to my long-time editor at North Atlantic Books, Shayna Keyles, for supporting this vision. I hope that readers can engage in a way that supports their learning about spiritual abuse and religious trauma. As an avid reader of memoir, I am not impressed by books that just highlight what I call the “trauma porn.” I want to be challenged to see an aspect of my own story or my own shadow when writing a memoir. And I encourage readers to do that in reading “You Lied to Me About God.” I even include writing and expressive arts prompts at the end of each chapter that might help readers to further engage with processing and expressing their own story.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
This book was both the easiest and the hardest book I ever had to write. It was easy because it had to be written—it flowed out of me and felt like the natural extension of twenty years of therapy and other healing practices. The hardest part was taking a risk by writing it, knowing that I would be pissing other people off—both in my family and in the Christosupremicist culture that is the land of my birth. As I note in the preface, I had to prepare myself for hate and criticism being lobbed at me and levels I’ve never experienced it before. That has also been a blessing as it’s allowed me to bring my support system and network in even closer.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
Several names and identifying details were changed on a few folks if they could be. With some of these folks I shared the work (at least the passages), others I chose not to. I had a few difficult conversations with such folks, a few of whom said I could use their real name. Yet even those conversations contributed to my healing.
With my immediate family I couldn’t really do that because I write under my legal name. As I note in the preface, it’s a risk I chose to take. I did have coaching from my lead counsel (who happens to be a long-time friend) and his team on the fundamentals of writing to avoid legal defamation. That process ended up being invaluable to my writing experience and I recommend to other memoirist that they do that before, not after. Those early conversations really helped with my process of crafting how I wanted to share my lived experience.
I hope that readers can engage in a way that supports their learning about spiritual abuse and religious trauma. As an avid reader of memoir, I am not impressed by books that just highlight what I call the “trauma porn.” I want to be challenged to see an aspect of my own story or my own shadow when writing a memoir. And I encourage readers to do that in reading “You Lied to Me About God.” I even include writing and expressive arts prompts at the end of each chapter that might help readers to further engage with processing and expressing their own story.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
The memoirs that impacted me the most in my formation as a writer were An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jameson and Educated by Tara Westover. As I wrote You Lied to Me About God, Gracie Gold’s outofshapeworthlessloser and Billy Porter’s Unprotected were on my reading list and the authenticity of both of their voices helped to inspire a deeper level in my own. Since I started narrating my own audiobooks a few projects ago I’ve become an even more avid listener of audiobooks, and that practice helped me in my writing of the memoir, especially by listening to other memoirs. In addition to Gracie and Billy, the memoirs of Viola Davis, Dave Grohl, and Kerry Washington (as read by the authors) made deep impressions.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
Keep pitching your proposal—keep putting yourself out there. The book business is brutal and choices are often made by decision makers based on what they think they can sell. A rejection of your work does not mean that you do not have anything of value to say. Eventually you will find your people. And if that means doing it yourself or sharing your work and story in some other way, like blogging, Substacking, or podcasting, keep trusting that your story has value. Some of the best books and memoirs I’ve ever read have never found a conventional book deal (Ingrid Clayton’s Believing Me is a notable example). And I’m glad that the writers chose to put themselves out there anyway.
I am grateful that, in North Atlantic Books, I connected with a non-profit publisher that shares many of my values and commitment to those values in their business practices. Sometimes I can almost hear other authors’ noses turning up when they learn I am not with a Big Five house, and I don’t care. My publisher has consistently shown great commitment to the longevity of my books and they work with a notable distributor to get my work out there. And believe it or not, I’ve not yet worked with an agent. Seventeen books trusting my gut on making my own connections.
What do you love about writing?
The process, especially when I can connect with other expressive art forms to bring it out of me. You Lied to Me About God started as several collages and art pieces, then an essay, then a poem. And in writing the book, I also created some original music which I’ve recorded.
What frustrates you about writing?
Not having enough time to do it and to really let it breathe as I would like—I still run a business and have a major work load other than what I want to give to my writing. I hope to change that someday.
What about writing surprises you?
Nothing much at this point—its predictability as a spiritual and therapeutic practice is what I find particularly comforting.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine or writing at specific times?
When I am actively writing books or articles, I do my freshest writing in the morning. In the evening I might do some journaling or other expressive activities that will show up in my writing in the coming days.
By the time I go to write a book, I’ve usually talked about content so much that the written words themselves just fly out of me. The book is typically the last step in my process of sharing my knowledge and experience.
I did have coaching from my lead counsel (who happens to be a long-time friend) and his team on the fundamentals of writing to avoid legal defamation. That process ended up being invaluable to my writing experience and I recommend to other memoirist that they do that before, not after. Those early conversations really helped with my process of crafting how I wanted to share my lived experience.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities do you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
Oh yes, and I’ve talked about many of them throughout this interview. For me, writing poetry, songs, playing music, making short films and creating visual art are all synergistic. Their blend makes expressive arts a lifestyle for me. And yes, speaking of film, I am also creating three short films, one of which already earned official selection in an LGBT festival, to accompany the content of You Lied to Me About God and its music.
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
It is my intention to really commit time to novel writing. I have two (or maybe three?) that are unfinished. As this would be a new writing form for me, I know that I have to give myself more time and space than usual to play and to explore. And that also means I may finally have to look for an agent…