The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #105: Cindy Eastman
"I think I finally 'became' a writer when I realized that I really needed writing in my life in order to make sense of it."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the 105th installment, featuring , author of True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver. -Sari Botton
P.S. Check out all the interviews in The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire series.
Cindy Eastman is an award-winning author whose most recent book is True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver, a memoir-in-essays, published by She Writes Press. She has taught writing classes to students between the ages of 5 and 85 and is the creator of the “Writual” writing program. She has presented nationally at the Story Circle Network 8th Women's Writing Conference in Austin, Texas, is a contributor to several anthologies and writes a weekly essay called Silver Linings on Substack. She also collaborated with her daughter, Annie Musso, on a series of essays called “Can We Talk About Cancer?” which detailed Annie’s battle with cancer before she died in April 2024.
Cindy has a master’s degree in education currently teaches English at her local community college. She lives in Watertown, CT with her husband Angelo and can often be found in the company of her grandchildren. Find her at: her website: http://cindyeastman.com/index.html; her Substack newsletter ; on Facebook; and on Instagram.
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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
I am 66 years old and I’ve been writing since I was a kid—dramatic short stories when I was 14, plays with my brother and sister which we put on in the basement (yes, we were those kids), daily journal writing as a teen (also dramatic). I became a mother so young that any writing I did after that was grocery lists and notes to school.
I decided to go back to school for a master’s degree in Education, but my thesis ended up being on writing—Writing Out Loud: Overcoming the Fear and Understanding the Pleasure of Writing. Writing it triggered my desire to write more intentionally, so after a period of submissions/rejections I decided I’d publish myself—on a blog I named after my thesis: Writing Out Loud—almost 20 years ago.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver, published by She Writes Press in September 2024.
What number book is this for you?
It’s my second book of my own work, but I also have essays in about a half a dozen anthologies.
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
It is a memoir-in-essays and I didn’t even know that was a genre until my publisher,
, talked about it at a conference a couple of years ago. My first book was also collection of personal essays, but this book is more of a memoir in that it describes a significant time of my life when I had to make a lot of changes and deal with how they impacted myself and my family.What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
“‘Didn’t anyone tell you it was going to be a full-time job?’ When Cindy Eastman brought her dad home to live with her and her family after her mother died, she did so armed with books and resources—but nowhere did it mention it would be a full-time job. Or rather, her full-time job. Caregiving impacts everyone, and this account—told in essays recorded before, during, and after the time Eastman’s father was with her—details that impact.”
When my dad came to live with us, writing was initially a way for me to handle the demands of being a caregiver. I posted some essays here and there about it, but it wasn’t my intention to write a book about it. I guess about two years in, though, I realized much of the literature or information I was reading was about how grateful I should be. And I wasn’t, always. I was exhausted and I knew others felt that way, too. I decided I would continue to write my essays with the idea that it would be a book eventually, because I felt strongly about affirming the caregiving experience.
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
I think I finally “became” a writer when I realized that I really needed writing in my life in order to make sense of it. Everything I wrote—from the short stories when I was young to the letters to the editor or pitches to Redbook magazine as a young mother—were my way of processing my life. I still didn’t tell people I was a writer—that seemed way too bold! But once I integrated a writing practice into my life, somewhere along the time when I started my original blog, I started to feel more comfortable identifying as a writer.
And so, when my dad came to live with us, writing was initially a way for me to handle the demands of being a caregiver. Sure, I posted some essays here and there about it, but it wasn’t my intention to write a book about it. I guess about two years in, though, I realized much of the literature or information I was reading was about how grateful I should be. And I wasn’t, always. I was exhausted and I knew others felt that way, too. I decided I would continue to write my essays with the idea that it would be a book eventually, because I felt strongly about affirming the caregiving experience.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
Writing the book wasn’t difficult—even though parts of my story can be a little dark, I knew I had to write it while I was experiencing it to capture the full range of emotions one can feel while caring for a loved one. It was either document all the parts or risk softening it up if I waited until after my caregiving stint was over—meaning when my dad died.
Since my first book was published by She Writes Press, a hybrid press, I didn’t have experience with traditional publishers, but I initially sent it around to some. Now that’s a process that’s really hard—sending out a manuscript, particularly a memoir, and waiting for months to hear anything, usually “No, thanks.” Or not hearing anything at all. After a half a dozen rejections, I went back with She Writes Press. It is a big commitment, but I trust them to do right by my books.
True Confessions of an Ambivalent Caregiver is a memoir-in-essays and I didn’t even know that was a genre until my publisher, Brooke Warner, talked about it at a conference a couple of years ago. My first book was also collection of personal essays, but this book is more of a memoir in that it describes a significant time of my life when I had to make a lot of changes and deal with how they impacted myself and my family.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
Although my whole family was impacted by our decision to care for my dad in our home, the direct care responsibility lay largely with me, so I confined my essays to describe my own experience with my dad.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
There isn’t a specific writer, but hundreds of them. The authors of She Writes Press are some of the most confident and indomitable writers I’ve even known. The books these women have written are powerful and heartfelt stories that win awards and inspire others. Being a part of that community has been one of the most supportive and inspiring experiences I never imagined would come along with publishing a book.
The other writers who inspire me are the ones I supposedly teach—the people who come to my classes saying, they’re “not really writers” but then share the most beautiful words and evoke the most profound feelings. I am inspired by their courage and their stories.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
I would say just begin. Everyone’s path to their own story looks different than anyone else’s. I would say find a class or a workshop and start looking at what’s out there to support their dreams. Even finding one person to share a writing practice with can be enough to spark the energy to keep going.
What do you love about writing?
I love that is a process that is available to everyone who can pick up a pen or open a document up on a computer. I love that in nearly every single class I teach, someone will say something like, “I had no idea I could write like that!” or “I haven’t thought about that in ages!” I love that our memories live in our bodies, in our muscles, in our bones and writing has the power to retrieve those memories and help us make meaning out of them. I love when a student realizes that they don’t have to be a New York Times bestselling author to be able to write—they can just write and that’s good enough.
What frustrates you about writing?
Nothing about writing frustrates me, but the business of writing can be frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I’m knocking on all the wrong doors to try and maintain a writing career. But, when I get really exasperated, and think, “Forget it! I’m done! I’ll be a barista!” I know that’s not true. I’ll write whether anyone reads—or buys, or shares—my work or not. Writing isn’t really something one can retire from, is it?
What about writing surprises you?
In my writing groups, I come up with prompts each week for the writers to write to. Usually, I make them up—random thoughts or phrases to get them going. Invariably, when I put my own pen to paper, something will come up on my page that I had no idea was lurking anywhere! I love that this happens and I’m so grateful that this thing I do, this thing I teach and revere so much continues to have the power to surprise me.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine, or writing at specific times?
I wish! But, sadly no. I tend to be a morning writer, but if the day has gotten away from me, I’ll try to squeeze in an hour or so at the end of the day. I’ve gotten up at 4am to trudge down the stairs to my computer when some thought is poking at me and I have to be sure to get it down in writing. And I’ve spent hours on end writing, oblivious to the time, when I couldn’t let go of an idea. But none of that is consistent and the most I can say about any kind of discipline I have is that I can feel the absence of writing when I’ve been a few days away from it.
Writing the book wasn’t difficult—even though parts of my story can be a little dark, I knew I had to write it while I was experiencing it to capture the full range of emotions one can feel while caring for a loved one. It was either document all the parts or risk softening it up if I waited until after my caregiving stint was over—meaning when my dad died.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities do you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
I think my teaching is a pursuit in support of my own writing. Both my college classes and other workshops and classes for adult learners. I always learn something in every class.
But I also have this little hobby—which I think I’ll now refer to as a creative pursuit—and that is drawing stick figure ants that represent a word with “ant” in it. I call them “Semantics.” I’m not much of an artist, but I can get into making these little drawings in a way that fully engages my mind and creativity and it’s relaxing and fun. Sometimes it’s just a figure, other times I’ll draw an entire scene. For example, for the word “tenants” I drew the façade of an apartment building with an ant in every window. It’s silly, but I totally get into it!
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
My next project is an anthology tentatively titled Everyday Grief. It is currently with a publisher, but in the very early stages of coordinating the writers, terms, etc. It is my first time publishing with a traditional publisher and it’s a big learning curve for me—for example, they told me the title might change. Which is fine, but as I’ve been coaxing this book into existence, that’s what I always called it, so changing it feels like they’re trying to change the name of my child! But I am grateful that the voices who shared their experiences will soon be heard, so I’m willing to work with the publishers to make this happen. Because there are so many beautiful stories and so many different experiences. And after that, I’m going to finish the memoir my daughter started when she got cancer.
“Everyday Grief” is a great title. For anyone who has deeply loved and lost, grief is an everyday occurrence.
Distinguishing it from “Prolonged Grief” which is an official DSM clinical diagnosis is easier for the clinician armed with a questionnaire and test scores than for the one who has lost a beloved partner, parent or friend.
But writing about loss is a salve. And after reading my loss memoir about men friends, my very alive and always critical film-critic friend commented “You write like a writer!” I couldn’t have been happier.
Great read and I particularly resonated with the realization that writing can help to make sense of our lives. Not only does writing alter your perspective by you becoming a narrator of your story, but the meaning-making and affect labelling it provides also helps you process things.