The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #23: Farah Naz Rishi
"The memoir became a culmination of all my thoughts and grief and desperate attempts to find hope in all the wild weeds and thorns of my own depression."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the twenty-second installment, featuring Farah Naz Rishi, author most recently of the memoir Sorry for the Inconvenience. -Sari Botton
Farah Naz Rishi is a Pakistani-American Muslim writer and voice actor, but in another life, she’s worked stints as a lawyer, a video game journalist, and an editorial assistant. She received her B.A. in English from Bryn Mawr College, her J.D. from Lewis & Clark Law School, and her love of weaving stories from the Odyssey Writing Workshop. When she’s not writing, she’s probably hanging out with video game characters. You can find her at home in Philadelphia, or on Twitter at @farahnazrishi.
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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
I’m 34, and I’ve been writing for 8 years now.
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
Sorry for the Inconvenience, published July 1st 2024!
What number book is this for you?
Number 3!
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
A memoir. It’s the story of my life, as accurate as I can remember.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
It’s a memoir about family dynamics, kinship, and the unpredictability of love in a journey spanning over 13 years.
Grief, I think, demands to be paid attention to—or else, it will destroy you from the inside. I’d done a very good job of ignoring it until I quite literally started to get sick. Writing this book meant finally facing everything I’d ignored, and it was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had in my entire life.
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
I didn’t think becoming a writer was a viable goal. My parents instilled in me the importance of pursuing a job that would guarantee stability, even if it meant sacrificing my dreams. Stability kept your belly full, but dreams only filled your head with silly ideas. They weren’t wrong, of course. Unfortunately, I’m very stubborn and daydreaming is one of my favorite things to do. Once I’d reached my third and final year of law school, and my dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I decided to throw away thoughts of stability and chase after becoming a writer. After all, even if I did pursue stability, it felt like life had other ideas.
But as the years went by, my dad passed away. Then my brother, to depression. And finally, my mother, to ALS. The memoir became a culmination of all my thoughts and grief and desperate attempts to find hope in all the wild weeds and thorns of my own depression.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
Grief, I think, demands to be paid attention to—or else, it will destroy you from the inside. I’d done a very good job of ignoring it until I quite literally started to get sick. Writing this book meant finally facing everything I’d ignored, and it was one of the most painful experiences I’ve ever had in my entire life. As for getting published, I owe it all to the people on social media who encouraged me, and my agent Hannah Bowman for believing in this memoir.
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
I changed the names of around half the people in the book to maintain their privacy.
I didn’t think becoming a writer was a viable goal. My parents instilled in me the importance of pursuing a job that would guarantee stability, even if it meant sacrificing my dreams. Stability kept your belly full, but dreams only filled your head with silly ideas. They weren’t wrong, of course. Unfortunately, I’m very stubborn and daydreaming is one of my favorite things to do.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
I read bell hooks’ work before writing the memoir as a way to better formulate my own feelings about love and relationships. All About Love is now one of my favorite books.
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
If something scares you, I believe it’s a sign that there’s something there, something that stirs you–and it might just be all the more worth doing. Remember that writing isn’t a commitment; it’s simply the exploration stage. Take all the time you want, and let yourself explore.
What do you love about writing?
I love when your writing takes its own, unexpected shape and takes you places you hadn’t planned for. That’s when I know I’m in the zone.
What frustrates you about writing?
Everything that comes after the draft is complete and edited.
What about writing surprises you?
How easy it is to fall into the same patterns of description and language.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine, or writing at specific times?
I usually start my writing in the early afternoon, around 11am, and I never write after 4pm (unless I’m on a close deadline). That doesn’t mean I’m not working, necessarily; it just means I step away from my computer to focus instead on reading, or re-outlining. If my brain is particularly finicky that day, I allow myself to focus just on refilling my creative well.
If something scares you, I believe it’s a sign that there’s something there, something that stirs you–and it might just be all the more worth doing. Remember that writing isn’t a commitment; it’s simply the exploration stage. Take all the time you want, and let yourself explore.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
I’m a voice actor, so I audition for various projects and engage with scripts from an actors’ perspective. I find that changing gears like this helps me with writing dialogue in books.
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
I have a young adult romcom called If You’re Not the One coming this October 1st. After that…I suppose we’ll see!
Thank you for sharing. Great interview. I think writing through all that grief is healing.
Just bought her book. As a Bangladeshi-Muslim writer, I feel like I need to read Farah's words!