The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #74: Susan Kiyo Ito
"A dozen years after I met my birth mother, I started an MFA program and began writing it down, but fictionally...After all, the core of my story was about seeking (and telling) the truth."
Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.
Here’s the 74th installment, featuring , author of I Would Meet You Anywhere: A Memoir. -Sari Botton
Susan Ito is the author of the memoir, I Would Meet You Anywhere, published from the Ohio State University Press. She co-edited the literary anthology A Ghost At Heart’s Edge: Stories & Poems of Adoption. Her work has appeared in The Writer, Hyphen, Growing Up Asian American, Choice, Hip Mama, Literary Mama, Catapult, Hyphen,The Bellevue Literary Review, and elsewhere. She is a MacDowell colony Fellow and has also been awarded residencies at The Mesa Refuge, Hedgebrook and the Blue Mountain Center. Her theatrical adaption of Untold, stories of reproductive stigma, was produced at Brava Theater. She is a member of the Writers’ Grotto and teaches at the Mills College campus of Northeastern University. She was a co-organizer of Rooted and Written, a no-tuition writing workshop for writers of color.
—
How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?
I’m 65 years old and have been writing stories since I was 6!
What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?
I Would Meet You Anywhere, November 2023
What number book is this for you?
I co-edited an anthology before this, but it’s my first solo book.
How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?
I call it a memoir.
I think my true origin story began in personal journals. I started chronicling this journey way before I even considered sharing it publicly. I knew I had to write it down for myself, to make sense of it, and to remember it. A dozen years after I met my birth mother, I started an MFA program and began writing it down, but fictionally. I already felt that writing this book could threaten this relationship, and I did not want that to happen, so I started very tentatively, writing fictional vignettes.
What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?
“Growing up with adoptive nisei parents, Susan Kiyo Ito knew only that her birth mother was Japanese American and her father white. But finding and meeting her birth mother in her early twenties was only the beginning of her search for answers, history, and identity. A decades-long tug-of-war pits her birth mother’s desire for anonymity against Ito’s need to know her origins, to see and be seen. Along the way, Ito grapples with her own reproductive choices, the legacy of the Japanese American incarceration experience during World War II, and the true meaning of family.”
What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?
I think my true origin story began in personal journals. I started chronicling this journey way before I even considered sharing it publicly. I knew I had to write it down for myself, to make sense of it, and to remember it. A dozen years after I met my birth mother, I started an MFA program and began writing it down, but fictionally. I already felt that writing this book could threaten this relationship, and I did not want that to happen, so I started very tentatively, writing fictional vignettes.
My MFA thesis was a collection of short fictional pieces grounded in life experience. I later went on to revise it as a novel (twice!), I developed it as a solo performance piece (my teacher and director was W. Kamau Bell, way before he became super famous) which I performed for several years and finally decided it really needed to be a memoir. After all, the core of my story was about seeking (and telling) the truth, not about disguising it as fiction. This was a terrifying step and it took decades to get there.
What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?
One of the hardest things was even believing that it was a worthy story. I had so much judgment about myself and my experience. I remember using the words “pathetic” to describe myself, which now makes me really sad. I had very little compassion for my own situation. I didn’t think anyone would be interested in it. Once I started believing in the story and taking it seriously, sharing small parts of it as stand-alone essays and getting positive feedback, the publishing part was not nearly as challenging as the writing of it. In fact, I made my first contact with my editor through Twitter (RIP Twitter).
How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?
This was one of the hugest challenges. I did change names of many of the major characters, although I forgot to change the name of a minor character, and didn’t realize this until I was on book tour and someone in the audience recognized him. (Oops) I ran passages through several people, but for reasons any reader would understand, I did not do this with the main character, my birth mother. I knew that if she had a negative reaction, that I would be inclined to pull the entire project and tell the publisher I’d changed my mind.
The idea of doing that, of turning down an opportunity I’d longed for for decades, was tortuous. So I made the decision to change as many identifying details as I could, to portray her character with as much complexity and compassion as I was able, and to hope for the best. I did give my husband the entire manuscript and he went through it very carefully. There were specific tiny changes that he requested, scenes where our memories diverged, and I made all the changes he asked for.
Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)
I was inspired by Florence Fisher, the first adoptee memoirist I ever read (at the age of 13). She literally changed the course of my life. I’ve been inspired and encouraged by many, many adoptee writers since then, including Betty Jean Lifton, Jackie Kay, Susan Harris O’Connor, Susan Devan Harness, Nicole Chung, Joy Castro, Dan Chaon, Shannon Gibney, Lee Herrick, Jennifer Kwon Dobbs, Sun Yung Shin, JaeRan Kim, Jenny Heijun Wills, Matthew Salesses and more. Of course, the list of non-adoptee writers is even longer. Knowing that I was entering this cohort of writers has meant everything to me.
“Growing up with adoptive nisei parents, Susan Kiyo Ito knew only that her birth mother was Japanese American and her father white. But finding and meeting her birth mother in her early twenties was only the beginning of her search for answers, history, and identity. A decades-long tug-of-war pits her birth mother’s desire for anonymity against Ito’s need to know her origins, to see and be seen. Along the way, Ito grapples with her own reproductive choices, the legacy of the Japanese American incarceration experience during World War II, and the true meaning of family.”
What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?
Hmm, what is a “book like mine?” A book that takes decades to write? A book that reveals secrets? In either case, I would say, just keep writing. If you are afraid of revealing parts of your story, take it in small steps. Publish a poem. Publish a short story or an essay. See how that feels. Contribute to an anthology. I wasn’t doing this deliberately, but it helped to eke my story out in small, manageable bits. Join a writing group, take a class or find a dedicated writing partner.
Writing is scary and lonely and it helps to have others cheer you on. They can also help with the publishing process and make it less terrifying. I would be lost if it weren’t for my many writing groups, classes, mentors and community, most recently at The Writers Grotto in San Francisco.
What do you love about writing?
There’s a funny Dorothy Parker quote that says, “I hate writing, but I love having written.” I wouldn’t say that I hate writing, but that feeling of satisfaction when I finish a draft or revision feels so good. I also love when a turn of phrase comes to me and it just feels right.
I love that I need it. That writing tells me what I’m feeling and thinking. I’m constantly running an internal narrative in my head, which shocked me when I realized that not everyone does that.
What frustrates you about writing?
I hate when I have what feels like a brilliant idea, and it’s all worked out in my mind, and then when I go to write it down, it’s garbage. Why does that happen? It’s very frustrating.
What about writing surprises you?
It surprises me that when I write from a prompt, or do anything that I tell my students to do or try, that it often works. It opens a new door in my mind. Imagine that! I need to take my own advice more often. Ha.
Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine or writing at specific times?
I wish. I would love a routine. But my life, unfortunately, feels very unpredictable. The only thing I can reliably count on is a writing retreat, of a few hours or days or weeks, when I dedicate it to writing, preferably in the company of other writers. I love writing retreats and residencies. I wish I could do them all the time, but sadly I only manage to do this a few times a year. I love being with other writers (who are writing) more than any other kind of vacation. I prefer being with other writers, where we write in silence all day and then cook some delicious meal, over going to any fancy resort or beach.
One of the hardest things was even believing that it was a worthy story. I had so much judgment about myself and my experience. I remember using the words “pathetic” to describe myself, which now makes me really sad. I had very little compassion for my own situation. I didn’t think anyone would be interested in it. Once I started believing in the story and taking it seriously, sharing small parts of it as stand-alone essays and getting positive feedback, the publishing part was not nearly as challenging as the writing of it.
Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities do you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?
When I have time to, I love studying calligraphy, which to me is the perfect marriage of art and words. To make a powerful quote even more powerful by writing it out beautifully, or dramatically, just makes me so happy. I’ve been studying calligraphy for over 30 years, but in very small spurts, so I’m not very good at it. I did take a lot of online classes during the early pandemic, and that got me all excited about it again, but it's something that needs a lot of practice to really be good at. I also love watercolor, which is more forgiving. I find watercolor very soothing when I’m “worded out.”
What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?
I am working on two novels that I started during my 30-year memoir project. When I got afraid of the memoir, I would work on those. I wrote terrible first drafts of both of those during various NaNoWriMos (National Novel Writing Months) and now I am determined to get them both into submittable shape. After the memoir, I am extremely excited to turn back to fiction. I’m finding it very liberating and also thrilled that they’re not about me!
I read and loved this memoir -- but just spent the past 30 minutes trying to figure out how I found it in the first place. Patting myself on the back for doing so, regardless! A special shout-out for the cover art and author photo, both of which are beautiful.
Thank you for this. I learned so much about myself from reading about yourself. Having written a very personal memoir with ease, going from that to a standup comedy routine as several suggested would be the hardest thing I could imagine. Likewise, I loved the writing but not having written. We are all so so different.