This is the problem: you may be New Yorkers, but you’re rearing southerners who will marry locals, go to southern schools, settle, and have your grandchildren right there, in NC. You will never leave your kids and grands in the south. You’ll never go back to NY. Raising your kids somewhere changes you, connects you emotionally in a deep way to a place. You may as well claim NC as home, cuz my bet is you’ll never leave. (And that is not a bad thing! Speaking from my experience.)
Btw, your essay was wonderfully written. Thoroughly enjoyed it and the little mental trip to NY that it took me on.)
I have to tell you, there are people who feel the same way about Austin, Texas. And Honolulu. I myself still consider San Francisco the place to be; I miss the fog. My wife misses Toronto. I know New York is the Big Apple, but it's not going to be the same town if you go back, because you're not the same person, and you're not the age you were when you were having so much fun.
I’m a 5th-generation native who left twice under duress. The second time, at 26, I stared out the window of our cab as it sped over the Williamsburg Bridge towards JFK, craning my neck to see the skyline. My husband had taken a job in San Francisco; we had to relocate. CA was a wonderful adventure, but it wasn’t New York. Nothing is New York but New York. When we got to SF, we tried to grab a coffee at Starbucks (there were far fewer back then) to perk us up with our late-night unpacking. The Starbucks on Fillmore was closed, at 8 pm on a Thursday. I burst into tears and whined to my husband — the Starbucks on Greenwich Ave in the Village is still open right now. And it’s 11 pm New York time. (I didn’t change my watch to CA time for six months.) I live in Jersey now. It’s not New York, either. I still want to live there again someday, even though it’s no longer the city of my childhood. My grandparents courted during WWII at Coney. My father barfed on the Wonder Wheel as a child. (So say we all.) I insisted on taking my children there to eat Nathan’s at the source. Such a terrific essay. Well done!
Thanks so much for reading and thanks so much for the beautiful response. My whole-ass family has been no fewer than ten minutes from the city for generations (Jersey City on my mom's side, western Nassau County, one-mile from Queens on my dad's) and, other than a few years in college, I never even thought about leaving the area. I wasn't opposed to it. It just did not compute than anyone actually lived anywhere else. It has its upsides. Mostly, I love that my kids are growing up down here. And we get back enough that they're starting to have their own relationship with the City. But no place is it and they know that. I'm sure they'll be thrilled when their Aging Mom and Dad buy a place in the City when they're finally out of the house ;)
I sold a CD case to a guy (I think?) who runs the carousel I used to make special trips to ride on in Coney Island! He was a great, bona fide Coney Island denizen. I was proud that he wanted my dad’s old homemade CD wall unit. Plus he notified me that the one he didn’t buy was by Gothic Cabinet, so I was able to sell that one for more to someone else! Coney Island is good people!
I wasn't even born in NY, rather Pittsburgh, which also has that same cultural DNA. I lived on L.I. from 1969 to 1980. Many friends and I left due to the recession and headed for south Florida, which was full of New Yorkers. So easy to get a job then as hustling was second nature. In Florida 42 years and still consider myself a New Yorker. My brother and I would sneak away by train into Manhattan. You've succinctly explained what I haven't been able to get out of my system, until maybe the Pandemic and really 'aging out' to the pace. Relatives that I went back to visit are now gone, but last Thanksgiving, my husband and I went with our grown daughters and their husbands and our grandchildren. (Macys Day Parade and Lion King) It was the best. Thanks for the memories.
When I began this rueful reminiscence, I feared you were mourning and missing Emily. As I miss Fran. But instead you both are missing what you can again have.
I lived and taught and raised my kids for 13 years in Ann Arbor where strangers smiled and said “how are ya?” and didn’t want to know. But I too missed New York every day.
Just to be sure they’d understand, my kids and I watched “The Odd Couple” weekly and saw every Mel Brooks and Woody Allen movie that came to town. PG encouraged me.
When I could, I returned, happily married a New Yorker and though we travelled the world, never once regretted both those moves.
Do it now, while you both still can. Once you’ve shared it, New York alone
I relate to this so very much! My husband and I moved to Nashville almost 6 years ago and the small population of Italians and Jews here make the food scene and the lack of really close friends quite difficult at times. People are friendly, but they don’t necessary want to be your friends.
This is the problem: you may be New Yorkers, but you’re rearing southerners who will marry locals, go to southern schools, settle, and have your grandchildren right there, in NC. You will never leave your kids and grands in the south. You’ll never go back to NY. Raising your kids somewhere changes you, connects you emotionally in a deep way to a place. You may as well claim NC as home, cuz my bet is you’ll never leave. (And that is not a bad thing! Speaking from my experience.)
Btw, your essay was wonderfully written. Thoroughly enjoyed it and the little mental trip to NY that it took me on.)
I have to tell you, there are people who feel the same way about Austin, Texas. And Honolulu. I myself still consider San Francisco the place to be; I miss the fog. My wife misses Toronto. I know New York is the Big Apple, but it's not going to be the same town if you go back, because you're not the same person, and you're not the age you were when you were having so much fun.
I’m a 5th-generation native who left twice under duress. The second time, at 26, I stared out the window of our cab as it sped over the Williamsburg Bridge towards JFK, craning my neck to see the skyline. My husband had taken a job in San Francisco; we had to relocate. CA was a wonderful adventure, but it wasn’t New York. Nothing is New York but New York. When we got to SF, we tried to grab a coffee at Starbucks (there were far fewer back then) to perk us up with our late-night unpacking. The Starbucks on Fillmore was closed, at 8 pm on a Thursday. I burst into tears and whined to my husband — the Starbucks on Greenwich Ave in the Village is still open right now. And it’s 11 pm New York time. (I didn’t change my watch to CA time for six months.) I live in Jersey now. It’s not New York, either. I still want to live there again someday, even though it’s no longer the city of my childhood. My grandparents courted during WWII at Coney. My father barfed on the Wonder Wheel as a child. (So say we all.) I insisted on taking my children there to eat Nathan’s at the source. Such a terrific essay. Well done!
Thanks so much for reading and thanks so much for the beautiful response. My whole-ass family has been no fewer than ten minutes from the city for generations (Jersey City on my mom's side, western Nassau County, one-mile from Queens on my dad's) and, other than a few years in college, I never even thought about leaving the area. I wasn't opposed to it. It just did not compute than anyone actually lived anywhere else. It has its upsides. Mostly, I love that my kids are growing up down here. And we get back enough that they're starting to have their own relationship with the City. But no place is it and they know that. I'm sure they'll be thrilled when their Aging Mom and Dad buy a place in the City when they're finally out of the house ;)
I sold a CD case to a guy (I think?) who runs the carousel I used to make special trips to ride on in Coney Island! He was a great, bona fide Coney Island denizen. I was proud that he wanted my dad’s old homemade CD wall unit. Plus he notified me that the one he didn’t buy was by Gothic Cabinet, so I was able to sell that one for more to someone else! Coney Island is good people!
Nice!
Left New York almost 50 years ago and still miss it, especially at Christmas.
The sweetness and longing for place steams off the “page”. - I feel this way for London, though I love where I live.
Oh I LOVE London so much! Reminds me of a certain place in time that New York used to be. Thanks so much for reading.
I’ve never been to NYC, I’ve dreamed of it. Michael, you’ve brought your old city alive and now I feel like I miss it too. Brilliant read!
I wasn't even born in NY, rather Pittsburgh, which also has that same cultural DNA. I lived on L.I. from 1969 to 1980. Many friends and I left due to the recession and headed for south Florida, which was full of New Yorkers. So easy to get a job then as hustling was second nature. In Florida 42 years and still consider myself a New Yorker. My brother and I would sneak away by train into Manhattan. You've succinctly explained what I haven't been able to get out of my system, until maybe the Pandemic and really 'aging out' to the pace. Relatives that I went back to visit are now gone, but last Thanksgiving, my husband and I went with our grown daughters and their husbands and our grandchildren. (Macys Day Parade and Lion King) It was the best. Thanks for the memories.
I really do appreciate that Sari.
Good god, this was stunning 🌟
Beautiful tribute to your hometown.
You made me miss New York as well, even though I'm a Bostonian!
Lovely
When I began this rueful reminiscence, I feared you were mourning and missing Emily. As I miss Fran. But instead you both are missing what you can again have.
I lived and taught and raised my kids for 13 years in Ann Arbor where strangers smiled and said “how are ya?” and didn’t want to know. But I too missed New York every day.
Just to be sure they’d understand, my kids and I watched “The Odd Couple” weekly and saw every Mel Brooks and Woody Allen movie that came to town. PG encouraged me.
When I could, I returned, happily married a New Yorker and though we travelled the world, never once regretted both those moves.
Do it now, while you both still can. Once you’ve shared it, New York alone
is not for sissies.
A great piece.
Oh, and then there are the tornadoes!
I relate to this so very much! My husband and I moved to Nashville almost 6 years ago and the small population of Italians and Jews here make the food scene and the lack of really close friends quite difficult at times. People are friendly, but they don’t necessary want to be your friends.