Love how personal and universal your warmly bold touched with humor writing is, Diana. We tell our stories in service to others. I especially love these two lines: "Two adorable infants, now mildly adorable adults." and "a territory to enter freely to forestall the inevitable crossing from life to death?" I know there's more wonderful stories you'll be sharing!
Thanks Char. They are probably a little more than "mildly" adorable at this age (27 and 31) but would be mortified if I wrote that (oops, I just did, oh well:). And yes, service to others is exactly right. If it makes a difference for at least one person you've done your work.
Thanks, Jonathan. They really were a gift. We all know time is finite but when you REALLY know it changes things. Shame neither of us quite got that with our moms.
I love this post! I have a scar along my abdomen from an "exploratory" surgery when I was 15, where they basically cut me open to see where my Hodgkin's Lymphoma had spread. For so many years, I was ashamed of that scar. I lived in Southern California, but wouldn't wear a 2-piece bathing suit. Now, at 68, I am proud of it. I'm glad you and Carol are proud of your scars, too.
Thanks. I imagine that must be a big one. And 15 is really hard. Plus you’re from California! I remember in the 1970s when I was a kid we had a friend who’d had a C-section and she had a huge vertical scar from the belly button down. I think they are better at going in now, but back in the day they really did slice people open. Glad to hear they caught the Lymphoma!
This is so life-affirming! And makes me feel a surprising tenderness toward my own scars. Also reminds me of the way Diego Rivera adored Frida's scars. If only we could all have that affection for our incursions.
It might help that ours tend to be covered most of the time…if they were on my face I might feel a little less positive. But for me, they are reminders of what’s keeping me here…and I suppose a distant fascination of how medicine actually works. I cannot for the life of me imagine how these surgeons do what they do all day, cutting into flesh! (Even if they call it minimally invasive:)).
You two and your clear-eyed, courageous and life-affirming response to cancer reminds me so of my late wife Fran’s thirty-year encounter with cancer.
Ironically, what she was most proud of were not her several surgical scars from breast and kidney removals but the tiny “tattoos” on her back to guide her radiologist’s many intrusions.
Not tats of butterflies or hearts or swallows but tiny “x”s. She loved to show them off because of the contradiction they represented. You could barely see them but they both saved and damaged her.
Yesterday, I signed a contract to publish a book about her—not a “cancer memoir” but an homage and a love story. Love of life and life of love are all there is. Go girls!
Thank you. Lovely story. I’m glad she was able to do that. I have a friend like that with breast cancer—she wears her port scars like that. As a reminder of life…
Fran had more ports than the East Coast of North America. Still, we traveled joyfully to Asia, Australia, Europe, Israel and Mexico together. Still, the current title of my book is “Cancer is not a ‘journey’: The only way out is through”. That message sounds entirely resonant with your “kick ass” attitude.
At age 84, two hip replacements, one broken tailbone, one broken pelvis, broken elbow, 2 c-sections, one bunion fix, one carpel tunnel, two eyelids made smaller(big mistake) physically I am ready to give it up. At what age do you consider living too long? Both parents died in their 90s. No me.
Love how personal and universal your warmly bold touched with humor writing is, Diana. We tell our stories in service to others. I especially love these two lines: "Two adorable infants, now mildly adorable adults." and "a territory to enter freely to forestall the inevitable crossing from life to death?" I know there's more wonderful stories you'll be sharing!
Thanks Char. They are probably a little more than "mildly" adorable at this age (27 and 31) but would be mortified if I wrote that (oops, I just did, oh well:). And yes, service to others is exactly right. If it makes a difference for at least one person you've done your work.
What a moving and thoughtful essay. I particularly enjoyed hearing about those precious five additional and healing years you had with Victor.
Thanks, Jonathan. They really were a gift. We all know time is finite but when you REALLY know it changes things. Shame neither of us quite got that with our moms.
I love this post! I have a scar along my abdomen from an "exploratory" surgery when I was 15, where they basically cut me open to see where my Hodgkin's Lymphoma had spread. For so many years, I was ashamed of that scar. I lived in Southern California, but wouldn't wear a 2-piece bathing suit. Now, at 68, I am proud of it. I'm glad you and Carol are proud of your scars, too.
Thanks. I imagine that must be a big one. And 15 is really hard. Plus you’re from California! I remember in the 1970s when I was a kid we had a friend who’d had a C-section and she had a huge vertical scar from the belly button down. I think they are better at going in now, but back in the day they really did slice people open. Glad to hear they caught the Lymphoma!
This is so life-affirming! And makes me feel a surprising tenderness toward my own scars. Also reminds me of the way Diego Rivera adored Frida's scars. If only we could all have that affection for our incursions.
It might help that ours tend to be covered most of the time…if they were on my face I might feel a little less positive. But for me, they are reminders of what’s keeping me here…and I suppose a distant fascination of how medicine actually works. I cannot for the life of me imagine how these surgeons do what they do all day, cutting into flesh! (Even if they call it minimally invasive:)).
Amen! I'll be forwarding this piece to all my friends who've had cancer, had joint replacements, etc. In other words: ALL my friends!
Haha. Yup. But honestly, if it helps even one person rethink their scars that's great..
I’m not entirely sure you got that right about Diego Rivera. His many affairs and betrayals suggest otherwise.
You two and your clear-eyed, courageous and life-affirming response to cancer reminds me so of my late wife Fran’s thirty-year encounter with cancer.
Ironically, what she was most proud of were not her several surgical scars from breast and kidney removals but the tiny “tattoos” on her back to guide her radiologist’s many intrusions.
Not tats of butterflies or hearts or swallows but tiny “x”s. She loved to show them off because of the contradiction they represented. You could barely see them but they both saved and damaged her.
Yesterday, I signed a contract to publish a book about her—not a “cancer memoir” but an homage and a love story. Love of life and life of love are all there is. Go girls!
Thank you. Lovely story. I’m glad she was able to do that. I have a friend like that with breast cancer—she wears her port scars like that. As a reminder of life…
Fran had more ports than the East Coast of North America. Still, we traveled joyfully to Asia, Australia, Europe, Israel and Mexico together. Still, the current title of my book is “Cancer is not a ‘journey’: The only way out is through”. That message sounds entirely resonant with your “kick ass” attitude.
<3
Lovely. I am a UK-based surgeon and loved reading about what your scars have meant to you both.
Thanks. High praise coming from a surgeon!
Wow. So beautiful and personal. Scars are so beautiful, thank you so much for sharing!
I got to hear the beginning of this when I met Diana at a writing retreat in France. Im astounded at the beauty of the finished essay.
Thank you :)
I so appreciated the cheerful matter of fact way each of you and your dad have treated these brushes with death. “Life goes on, oo- bla-Dee!”
At age 84, two hip replacements, one broken tailbone, one broken pelvis, broken elbow, 2 c-sections, one bunion fix, one carpel tunnel, two eyelids made smaller(big mistake) physically I am ready to give it up. At what age do you consider living too long? Both parents died in their 90s. No me.
I am so sad to read this. I am sorry the body has been so difficult for you.