My connection to your story stems from my own (much milder) indoctrination. I marvel at your strength to leave at only 15! Thank you for sharing your courage.
Oh my word. I love this. I cannot begin to leave a comment to do this justice, the writing, the story, the every single thing I identified with. I only have a minute as am supposed to be in a meeting five minutes ago, but ....thank you. Gorgeous writing and gorgeous telling. xo
You captured things that are tricky to capture. Applauding. I was 15 when I left, and when it came down to leaving, it was exactly your opening line. Exactly. I'd rather, I decided, go to hell if that was the option. I've said that so often it feels trite, and yet. Reading your words, hearing you say it, landed me.
I'm 50 now, right, so it's been my joke. The choice between 2x2s or hell, and yet when I read your words and saw your choice I remembered. I was 15, and that choice wasn't made on the fly. It was the culmination of knowing the 2x2s were wrong, and more. And at the same time, I'd internalized all the things they'd intended me to, and so I made that choice half-believing it might in fact be me, deciding to spend eternity in hell.
Good lord.
I'd considered myself so grown up but looking back understand. Fifteen years old is not, in fact, grown up. And I was a bit of a disaster, what with all the stuff, so, well. My heart aches for me and for you and for all of us, and I am so grateful this piece is here, and you are writing, and I'm writing. xo
Yes. Something inside me at 15 knew “this can’t be right.” Yet I was born with the koolaid in my veins so to speak. I believed absolutely I had to choose hell to leave. 100%. Looking back I’m grateful for the teenager who fought to live. So grateful. Thank you, Kristin. Keep writing! I will too. ✍🏼
Powerful, potent writing, Kelly. You stand testament to the integration of past struggles into a present where you have created a different life for yourself, one you can claim as your own. I know you as a force of nature. Onward!!
Thank you, Kelly, for your honesty in sharing here what the world needs to hear over and over again. Somehow even if we learn these lessons, many forget them when they find themselves unmoored and joining a group like this somehow has appeal. But that’s what these high control groups do, prey on people in emotional need. I was so pleased to see this piece in my inbox today. You are a force.
Oh, my comment had been lost. Sorry. But Kelly was a courageous girl to leave the cult at 15 and go to unknown huge world and build her life from nothing. I admire her tremendously.
thank you, Larisa! I appreciate you reading this and your admiration. I often wonder myself how I did it. I had two little girls by age nineteen, so it was quite a journey.
Your powerful insight and writing is a gift to us all, but especially those who have been raised in high control, abusive cults. Your hard fought wisdom and fierce truth telling in this piece, and all of your others, will be such a powerful, healing light for so many people, including children, still lost in darkness and abusive dynamics. Please keep sharing your experience and insight — it is so incredibly needed at this exact moment in time! Xoxo
I am Kelly's sister and greatly appreciated her article about the 2x2's and how we were raised. It has been a lifetime struggle to overcome the untruths of this cult. Her words about her struggle were beautifully stated in truth. My heart goes out to all who were so misled.
Like so many others I can hard relate. I left being a Jehovah’s Witness at the age of 17. I battled with the conditioning for years. I am so proud of myself now though because I could not live what they called a “double life”. I could not pretend. I’ve since learnt that many of the weddings I went to as a child were all unfaithful to one another (against the religion - so many were in there living a lie/double life) and that it’s classed as a cult in France. I can see why. So much strength to is.
Glad you found me here and I you! We’re all conditioned and some of that conditioning (like toilet training) is beneficial. Ha. But our experience was extreme. Extreme fundamentalist indoctrination is child abuse. And yassss that double life bullshit. Ugh. This is how we learn to split off from ourselves and compartmentalize. So glad you followed your North Star, Amber!
Yes, my sisters conditioning her kids has really paid off - they happily tidy up! They understand when no means no, no upset, just pure acceptance. All their needs are met, so they don’t have any issue with it. This conditioning I can get on board with.
I grew up in this Cult, I believe I was Fourth or Fifth Generation of this in my family. I escaped this end of 2023. The Holy Spirit led me out of this. I questioned the "workers" on Corinthians 14 about the Gifts of the Spirit and Praise and Worship stated in Psalms. As well as book of Acts about the Church structure and who was overseeing the "workers" they couldn't answer any of my questions and said I am not in accord with their beliefs and that I am not of the same spirit as them. They refused to Baptise me for 10 Years. I finally got Baptised by a Pentecostal Church and then got ostracized from Family and the Sect. I ended up in a car accident after being shunned but the Lord did a Miricle and I had no injuries and live to testify. I got the Gift of Tongues last year in 2024 by laying on of hands through Elders in a Pentecostal Church in a new town the Lord led me to by his Grace. I PRAY MY FAMILY RECEIVE EYES TO SEE AND EARS TO HEAR BEFORE JESUS COMES BACK 🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
Wow. The so called leaders are definitely guilty of emotional abuse of children. It also should be a criminal offence to run an opaque organisation where the members are told they will face horrific or eternal punishments if they leave. These types of authoritarian belief systems are immature and primitive forms of social control and a modern person doesn’t need them in order to choose to live an ethical life anyway. For anyone who thinks otherwise, there’s always the police and the courts ❤️🩹
Thank you for seeing the weight of this. Emotional abuse—especially when disguised as religious devotion—is one of the most insidious forms of harm because it leaves no visible scars but shapes a person’s entire sense of self. The use of fear to control children, to make them believe their very survival depends on obedience, is psychological captivity.
And yes, the secrecy of these organizations is deliberate. Transparency would mean accountability, and accountability threatens control. The fact that so many survivors struggle with guilt even after they leave speaks to how deeply this indoctrination runs.
You're absolutely right—ethical living doesn’t require authoritarian rule. Public awareness is a powerful force. The more we talk about these abuses, the harder it becomes for these groups to operate unchecked.
How bizar that till a few years ago, I didn’t even know I was in this same cult in the Netherlands! My mother died when I was 15, so that was exactly the same age I could go!! Now I’m 43 and I always thought it was just a normal religion with no name… I never believed a piece and had my own thoughts, that saved me from a lot of mental abuse, but thanks for this information and feelings!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Elske! I always knew it wasn’t “normal” because we were set apart from the world and exclusionary but i didn’t realize it was really a cult until recently.
Whew, I thought I had a tough up bringing being raised a catholic, and going to catholic school. The worst of it for my grade of school kids was a slap in the face, total humiliation and embarrassment in front of the class and having to say a weekly rosary as we processed around the school.
That being said, I am now later in life and reborn. I’m getting so much from my catholic faith. I want to hold onto it with all my strength.
We live in troubled times and there is darkness is the world. Find the light!!
What a story. How brave you were, saving your own life when you really were still a child. A Q&A would be fascinating. I’m so glad I got to read this. You’re amazing, Kelly. Thank you.
My connection to your story stems from my own (much milder) indoctrination. I marvel at your strength to leave at only 15! Thank you for sharing your courage.
Thank you. I marvel too. Truly. 🥲🔥
Oh my word. I love this. I cannot begin to leave a comment to do this justice, the writing, the story, the every single thing I identified with. I only have a minute as am supposed to be in a meeting five minutes ago, but ....thank you. Gorgeous writing and gorgeous telling. xo
Thank you for reading Kristin!
Okay. Back, and now it's had time to simmer.
You captured things that are tricky to capture. Applauding. I was 15 when I left, and when it came down to leaving, it was exactly your opening line. Exactly. I'd rather, I decided, go to hell if that was the option. I've said that so often it feels trite, and yet. Reading your words, hearing you say it, landed me.
I'm 50 now, right, so it's been my joke. The choice between 2x2s or hell, and yet when I read your words and saw your choice I remembered. I was 15, and that choice wasn't made on the fly. It was the culmination of knowing the 2x2s were wrong, and more. And at the same time, I'd internalized all the things they'd intended me to, and so I made that choice half-believing it might in fact be me, deciding to spend eternity in hell.
Good lord.
I'd considered myself so grown up but looking back understand. Fifteen years old is not, in fact, grown up. And I was a bit of a disaster, what with all the stuff, so, well. My heart aches for me and for you and for all of us, and I am so grateful this piece is here, and you are writing, and I'm writing. xo
Yes. Something inside me at 15 knew “this can’t be right.” Yet I was born with the koolaid in my veins so to speak. I believed absolutely I had to choose hell to leave. 100%. Looking back I’m grateful for the teenager who fought to live. So grateful. Thank you, Kristin. Keep writing! I will too. ✍🏼
Powerful, potent writing, Kelly. You stand testament to the integration of past struggles into a present where you have created a different life for yourself, one you can claim as your own. I know you as a force of nature. Onward!!
Thank you Cheryl! It feels good to be wholly seen.
Thank you, Kelly, for your honesty in sharing here what the world needs to hear over and over again. Somehow even if we learn these lessons, many forget them when they find themselves unmoored and joining a group like this somehow has appeal. But that’s what these high control groups do, prey on people in emotional need. I was so pleased to see this piece in my inbox today. You are a force.
Thank you Casey for these words of acknowledgement. It is beyond healing to be fully seen. This is where I come from and integral to my story.
Oh, my comment had been lost. Sorry. But Kelly was a courageous girl to leave the cult at 15 and go to unknown huge world and build her life from nothing. I admire her tremendously.
thank you, Larisa! I appreciate you reading this and your admiration. I often wonder myself how I did it. I had two little girls by age nineteen, so it was quite a journey.
Your powerful insight and writing is a gift to us all, but especially those who have been raised in high control, abusive cults. Your hard fought wisdom and fierce truth telling in this piece, and all of your others, will be such a powerful, healing light for so many people, including children, still lost in darkness and abusive dynamics. Please keep sharing your experience and insight — it is so incredibly needed at this exact moment in time! Xoxo
Thank you, Maura. I’m hearing from so many who experienced the exact same things and are grateful for my words -which took me a lifetime to find. 😭
I am Kelly's sister and greatly appreciated her article about the 2x2's and how we were raised. It has been a lifetime struggle to overcome the untruths of this cult. Her words about her struggle were beautifully stated in truth. My heart goes out to all who were so misled.
Thanks for chiming in, Linda. <3
Thx Linda. What is the age difference and did you also leave if you don’t mind saying so?
💚
Powerful! I completely relate. Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
I know you know. Thank you Shavaun. This means a lot.
Incredibly powerful, Kelly. What a courageous girl you were. And woman you are now. Grateful you’re telling your story.
Appreciate the read, Alyson!
Like so many others I can hard relate. I left being a Jehovah’s Witness at the age of 17. I battled with the conditioning for years. I am so proud of myself now though because I could not live what they called a “double life”. I could not pretend. I’ve since learnt that many of the weddings I went to as a child were all unfaithful to one another (against the religion - so many were in there living a lie/double life) and that it’s classed as a cult in France. I can see why. So much strength to is.
Glad you found me here and I you! We’re all conditioned and some of that conditioning (like toilet training) is beneficial. Ha. But our experience was extreme. Extreme fundamentalist indoctrination is child abuse. And yassss that double life bullshit. Ugh. This is how we learn to split off from ourselves and compartmentalize. So glad you followed your North Star, Amber!
Yes, my sisters conditioning her kids has really paid off - they happily tidy up! They understand when no means no, no upset, just pure acceptance. All their needs are met, so they don’t have any issue with it. This conditioning I can get on board with.
Gosh, it was crazy extreme. I forget (often).
I grew up in this Cult, I believe I was Fourth or Fifth Generation of this in my family. I escaped this end of 2023. The Holy Spirit led me out of this. I questioned the "workers" on Corinthians 14 about the Gifts of the Spirit and Praise and Worship stated in Psalms. As well as book of Acts about the Church structure and who was overseeing the "workers" they couldn't answer any of my questions and said I am not in accord with their beliefs and that I am not of the same spirit as them. They refused to Baptise me for 10 Years. I finally got Baptised by a Pentecostal Church and then got ostracized from Family and the Sect. I ended up in a car accident after being shunned but the Lord did a Miricle and I had no injuries and live to testify. I got the Gift of Tongues last year in 2024 by laying on of hands through Elders in a Pentecostal Church in a new town the Lord led me to by his Grace. I PRAY MY FAMILY RECEIVE EYES TO SEE AND EARS TO HEAR BEFORE JESUS COMES BACK 🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
I’m glad you found what works for you Nadia!
Wow. The so called leaders are definitely guilty of emotional abuse of children. It also should be a criminal offence to run an opaque organisation where the members are told they will face horrific or eternal punishments if they leave. These types of authoritarian belief systems are immature and primitive forms of social control and a modern person doesn’t need them in order to choose to live an ethical life anyway. For anyone who thinks otherwise, there’s always the police and the courts ❤️🩹
Thank you for seeing the weight of this. Emotional abuse—especially when disguised as religious devotion—is one of the most insidious forms of harm because it leaves no visible scars but shapes a person’s entire sense of self. The use of fear to control children, to make them believe their very survival depends on obedience, is psychological captivity.
And yes, the secrecy of these organizations is deliberate. Transparency would mean accountability, and accountability threatens control. The fact that so many survivors struggle with guilt even after they leave speaks to how deeply this indoctrination runs.
You're absolutely right—ethical living doesn’t require authoritarian rule. Public awareness is a powerful force. The more we talk about these abuses, the harder it becomes for these groups to operate unchecked.
How bizar that till a few years ago, I didn’t even know I was in this same cult in the Netherlands! My mother died when I was 15, so that was exactly the same age I could go!! Now I’m 43 and I always thought it was just a normal religion with no name… I never believed a piece and had my own thoughts, that saved me from a lot of mental abuse, but thanks for this information and feelings!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Elske! I always knew it wasn’t “normal” because we were set apart from the world and exclusionary but i didn’t realize it was really a cult until recently.
Whew, I thought I had a tough up bringing being raised a catholic, and going to catholic school. The worst of it for my grade of school kids was a slap in the face, total humiliation and embarrassment in front of the class and having to say a weekly rosary as we processed around the school.
That being said, I am now later in life and reborn. I’m getting so much from my catholic faith. I want to hold onto it with all my strength.
We live in troubled times and there is darkness is the world. Find the light!!
The light is how I was ever able to write this.
What a story. How brave you were, saving your own life when you really were still a child. A Q&A would be fascinating. I’m so glad I got to read this. You’re amazing, Kelly. Thank you.
Wow, Nan! Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate this and you.
Of course! Why wouldn’t I? You have an amazing story AND you’re a terrific writer. xo
Thank you for sharing
It only took a lifetime to find these words. Thank you for reading!