My connection to your story stems from my own (much milder) indoctrination. I marvel at your strength to leave at only 15! Thank you for sharing your courage.
Oh my word. I love this. I cannot begin to leave a comment to do this justice, the writing, the story, the every single thing I identified with. I only have a minute as am supposed to be in a meeting five minutes ago, but ....thank you. Gorgeous writing and gorgeous telling. xo
You captured things that are tricky to capture. Applauding. I was 15 when I left, and when it came down to leaving, it was exactly your opening line. Exactly. I'd rather, I decided, go to hell if that was the option. I've said that so often it feels trite, and yet. Reading your words, hearing you say it, landed me.
I'm 50 now, right, so it's been my joke. The choice between 2x2s or hell, and yet when I read your words and saw your choice I remembered. I was 15, and that choice wasn't made on the fly. It was the culmination of knowing the 2x2s were wrong, and more. And at the same time, I'd internalized all the things they'd intended me to, and so I made that choice half-believing it might in fact be me, deciding to spend eternity in hell.
Good lord.
I'd considered myself so grown up but looking back understand. Fifteen years old is not, in fact, grown up. And I was a bit of a disaster, what with all the stuff, so, well. My heart aches for me and for you and for all of us, and I am so grateful this piece is here, and you are writing, and I'm writing. xo
Yes. Something inside me at 15 knew “this can’t be right.” Yet I was born with the koolaid in my veins so to speak. I believed absolutely I had to choose hell to leave. 100%. Looking back I’m grateful for the teenager who fought to live. So grateful. Thank you, Kristin. Keep writing! I will too. ✍🏼
Powerful, potent writing, Kelly. You stand testament to the integration of past struggles into a present where you have created a different life for yourself, one you can claim as your own. I know you as a force of nature. Onward!!
Thank you, Kelly, for your honesty in sharing here what the world needs to hear over and over again. Somehow even if we learn these lessons, many forget them when they find themselves unmoored and joining a group like this somehow has appeal. But that’s what these high control groups do, prey on people in emotional need. I was so pleased to see this piece in my inbox today. You are a force.
Your opening sentence was so powerful. And the reference to your story being a microcosm of the conditioning we all experience is so true, but really this cult was and still is atrocious. Thank you for your poignant writing that brings your story to us. I'm so glad you found your way out of hell.
Oh, my comment had been lost. Sorry. But Kelly was a courageous girl to leave the cult at 15 and go to unknown huge world and build her life from nothing. I admire her tremendously.
thank you, Larisa! I appreciate you reading this and your admiration. I often wonder myself how I did it. I had two little girls by age nineteen, so it was quite a journey.
Your powerful insight and writing is a gift to us all, but especially those who have been raised in high control, abusive cults. Your hard fought wisdom and fierce truth telling in this piece, and all of your others, will be such a powerful, healing light for so many people, including children, still lost in darkness and abusive dynamics. Please keep sharing your experience and insight — it is so incredibly needed at this exact moment in time! Xoxo
I am Kelly's sister and greatly appreciated her article about the 2x2's and how we were raised. It has been a lifetime struggle to overcome the untruths of this cult. Her words about her struggle were beautifully stated in truth. My heart goes out to all who were so misled.
Like so many others I can hard relate. I left being a Jehovah’s Witness at the age of 17. I battled with the conditioning for years. I am so proud of myself now though because I could not live what they called a “double life”. I could not pretend. I’ve since learnt that many of the weddings I went to as a child were all unfaithful to one another (against the religion - so many were in there living a lie/double life) and that it’s classed as a cult in France. I can see why. So much strength to is.
Glad you found me here and I you! We’re all conditioned and some of that conditioning (like toilet training) is beneficial. Ha. But our experience was extreme. Extreme fundamentalist indoctrination is child abuse. And yassss that double life bullshit. Ugh. This is how we learn to split off from ourselves and compartmentalize. So glad you followed your North Star, Amber!
Yes, my sisters conditioning her kids has really paid off - they happily tidy up! They understand when no means no, no upset, just pure acceptance. All their needs are met, so they don’t have any issue with it. This conditioning I can get on board with.
Whew, I thought I had a tough up bringing being raised a catholic, and going to catholic school. The worst of it for my grade of school kids was a slap in the face, total humiliation and embarrassment in front of the class and having to say a weekly rosary as we processed around the school.
That being said, I am now later in life and reborn. I’m getting so much from my catholic faith. I want to hold onto it with all my strength.
We live in troubled times and there is darkness is the world. Find the light!!
What a story. How brave you were, saving your own life when you really were still a child. A Q&A would be fascinating. I’m so glad I got to read this. You’re amazing, Kelly. Thank you.
Hi, Kelly, I am glad we have the privilege of understanding what we grew up in and have words for it now. For our parents this never happened. I am fourth generation.
Thank you, Janelle! So glad to find you here. And yes, I grieve for our parents. It took me a lifetime, a LIFETIME, to find these words, it took me decades of self-examination, hard work, and dedication to truth and free thought to arrive at these words. Imagine what it must be like for them. 💔
And until this year I have always been so careful about not writing about my religion but it is definitely coming into my memoir pieces. And it informs my historical writing as well.
So beautifully written, Kelly. Thank you for sharing your story. I was rooting for your 15 year old self, as I root for you now.
It’s been hard getting people to pay any attention to the 2x2s, they’re just that insular. I’ve been investigating the group for years, and only started to get media to assign stories in the last year.
I resonate with your feelings of never being enough. Ifs awful that our families made us feel this way. We were the innocent ones.
My connection to your story stems from my own (much milder) indoctrination. I marvel at your strength to leave at only 15! Thank you for sharing your courage.
Thank you. I marvel too. Truly. 🥲🔥
Oh my word. I love this. I cannot begin to leave a comment to do this justice, the writing, the story, the every single thing I identified with. I only have a minute as am supposed to be in a meeting five minutes ago, but ....thank you. Gorgeous writing and gorgeous telling. xo
Thank you for reading Kristin!
Okay. Back, and now it's had time to simmer.
You captured things that are tricky to capture. Applauding. I was 15 when I left, and when it came down to leaving, it was exactly your opening line. Exactly. I'd rather, I decided, go to hell if that was the option. I've said that so often it feels trite, and yet. Reading your words, hearing you say it, landed me.
I'm 50 now, right, so it's been my joke. The choice between 2x2s or hell, and yet when I read your words and saw your choice I remembered. I was 15, and that choice wasn't made on the fly. It was the culmination of knowing the 2x2s were wrong, and more. And at the same time, I'd internalized all the things they'd intended me to, and so I made that choice half-believing it might in fact be me, deciding to spend eternity in hell.
Good lord.
I'd considered myself so grown up but looking back understand. Fifteen years old is not, in fact, grown up. And I was a bit of a disaster, what with all the stuff, so, well. My heart aches for me and for you and for all of us, and I am so grateful this piece is here, and you are writing, and I'm writing. xo
Yes. Something inside me at 15 knew “this can’t be right.” Yet I was born with the koolaid in my veins so to speak. I believed absolutely I had to choose hell to leave. 100%. Looking back I’m grateful for the teenager who fought to live. So grateful. Thank you, Kristin. Keep writing! I will too. ✍🏼
Powerful, potent writing, Kelly. You stand testament to the integration of past struggles into a present where you have created a different life for yourself, one you can claim as your own. I know you as a force of nature. Onward!!
Thank you Cheryl! It feels good to be wholly seen.
Thank you, Kelly, for your honesty in sharing here what the world needs to hear over and over again. Somehow even if we learn these lessons, many forget them when they find themselves unmoored and joining a group like this somehow has appeal. But that’s what these high control groups do, prey on people in emotional need. I was so pleased to see this piece in my inbox today. You are a force.
Thank you Casey for these words of acknowledgement. It is beyond healing to be fully seen. This is where I come from and integral to my story.
Your opening sentence was so powerful. And the reference to your story being a microcosm of the conditioning we all experience is so true, but really this cult was and still is atrocious. Thank you for your poignant writing that brings your story to us. I'm so glad you found your way out of hell.
I'm an admirer!
Oh, this means so much to me, Cindy! 😭Thank you for not just reading but commenting here. Xo
Oh, my comment had been lost. Sorry. But Kelly was a courageous girl to leave the cult at 15 and go to unknown huge world and build her life from nothing. I admire her tremendously.
thank you, Larisa! I appreciate you reading this and your admiration. I often wonder myself how I did it. I had two little girls by age nineteen, so it was quite a journey.
Powerful! I completely relate. Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
I know you know. Thank you Shavaun. This means a lot.
Your powerful insight and writing is a gift to us all, but especially those who have been raised in high control, abusive cults. Your hard fought wisdom and fierce truth telling in this piece, and all of your others, will be such a powerful, healing light for so many people, including children, still lost in darkness and abusive dynamics. Please keep sharing your experience and insight — it is so incredibly needed at this exact moment in time! Xoxo
Thank you, Maura. I’m hearing from so many who experienced the exact same things and are grateful for my words -which took me a lifetime to find. 😭
I am Kelly's sister and greatly appreciated her article about the 2x2's and how we were raised. It has been a lifetime struggle to overcome the untruths of this cult. Her words about her struggle were beautifully stated in truth. My heart goes out to all who were so misled.
Thanks for chiming in, Linda. <3
Thx Linda. What is the age difference and did you also leave if you don’t mind saying so?
💚
Like so many others I can hard relate. I left being a Jehovah’s Witness at the age of 17. I battled with the conditioning for years. I am so proud of myself now though because I could not live what they called a “double life”. I could not pretend. I’ve since learnt that many of the weddings I went to as a child were all unfaithful to one another (against the religion - so many were in there living a lie/double life) and that it’s classed as a cult in France. I can see why. So much strength to is.
Glad you found me here and I you! We’re all conditioned and some of that conditioning (like toilet training) is beneficial. Ha. But our experience was extreme. Extreme fundamentalist indoctrination is child abuse. And yassss that double life bullshit. Ugh. This is how we learn to split off from ourselves and compartmentalize. So glad you followed your North Star, Amber!
Yes, my sisters conditioning her kids has really paid off - they happily tidy up! They understand when no means no, no upset, just pure acceptance. All their needs are met, so they don’t have any issue with it. This conditioning I can get on board with.
Gosh, it was crazy extreme. I forget (often).
Whew, I thought I had a tough up bringing being raised a catholic, and going to catholic school. The worst of it for my grade of school kids was a slap in the face, total humiliation and embarrassment in front of the class and having to say a weekly rosary as we processed around the school.
That being said, I am now later in life and reborn. I’m getting so much from my catholic faith. I want to hold onto it with all my strength.
We live in troubled times and there is darkness is the world. Find the light!!
The light is how I was ever able to write this.
What a story. How brave you were, saving your own life when you really were still a child. A Q&A would be fascinating. I’m so glad I got to read this. You’re amazing, Kelly. Thank you.
Wow, Nan! Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate this and you.
Of course! Why wouldn’t I? You have an amazing story AND you’re a terrific writer. xo
Thank you for sharing
It only took a lifetime to find these words. Thank you for reading!
Hi, Kelly, I am glad we have the privilege of understanding what we grew up in and have words for it now. For our parents this never happened. I am fourth generation.
Thank you, Janelle! So glad to find you here. And yes, I grieve for our parents. It took me a lifetime, a LIFETIME, to find these words, it took me decades of self-examination, hard work, and dedication to truth and free thought to arrive at these words. Imagine what it must be like for them. 💔
And until this year I have always been so careful about not writing about my religion but it is definitely coming into my memoir pieces. And it informs my historical writing as well.
My mother is almost 94…
So beautifully written, Kelly. Thank you for sharing your story. I was rooting for your 15 year old self, as I root for you now.
It’s been hard getting people to pay any attention to the 2x2s, they’re just that insular. I’ve been investigating the group for years, and only started to get media to assign stories in the last year.
I resonate with your feelings of never being enough. Ifs awful that our families made us feel this way. We were the innocent ones.
Thank you Brianna! The struggle is real. Strength in numbers. And hearts. Solidarity, my friend. ✍🏼
I’m so sorry this happened to you and I’m glad you found your way to freedom!
Thank you, Bih. So am I!