My connection to your story stems from my own (much milder) indoctrination. I marvel at your strength to leave at only 15! Thank you for sharing your courage.
I am Kelly's sister and greatly appreciated her article about the 2x2's and how we were raised. It has been a lifetime struggle to overcome the untruths of this cult. Her words about her struggle were beautifully stated in truth. My heart goes out to all who were so misled.
Oh my word. I love this. I cannot begin to leave a comment to do this justice, the writing, the story, the every single thing I identified with. I only have a minute as am supposed to be in a meeting five minutes ago, but ....thank you. Gorgeous writing and gorgeous telling. xo
You captured things that are tricky to capture. Applauding. I was 15 when I left, and when it came down to leaving, it was exactly your opening line. Exactly. I'd rather, I decided, go to hell if that was the option. I've said that so often it feels trite, and yet. Reading your words, hearing you say it, landed me.
I'm 50 now, right, so it's been my joke. The choice between 2x2s or hell, and yet when I read your words and saw your choice I remembered. I was 15, and that choice wasn't made on the fly. It was the culmination of knowing the 2x2s were wrong, and more. And at the same time, I'd internalized all the things they'd intended me to, and so I made that choice half-believing it might in fact be me, deciding to spend eternity in hell.
Good lord.
I'd considered myself so grown up but looking back understand. Fifteen years old is not, in fact, grown up. And I was a bit of a disaster, what with all the stuff, so, well. My heart aches for me and for you and for all of us, and I am so grateful this piece is here, and you are writing, and I'm writing. xo
Yes. Something inside me at 15 knew “this can’t be right.” Yet I was born with the koolaid in my veins so to speak. I believed absolutely I had to choose hell to leave. 100%. Looking back I’m grateful for the teenager who fought to live. So grateful. Thank you, Kristin. Keep writing! I will too. ✍🏼
Powerful, potent writing, Kelly. You stand testament to the integration of past struggles into a present where you have created a different life for yourself, one you can claim as your own. I know you as a force of nature. Onward!!
Thank you, Kelly, for your honesty in sharing here what the world needs to hear over and over again. Somehow even if we learn these lessons, many forget them when they find themselves unmoored and joining a group like this somehow has appeal. But that’s what these high control groups do, prey on people in emotional need. I was so pleased to see this piece in my inbox today. You are a force.
Oh, my comment had been lost. Sorry. But Kelly was a courageous girl to leave the cult at 15 and go to unknown huge world and build her life from nothing. I admire her tremendously.
thank you, Larisa! I appreciate you reading this and your admiration. I often wonder myself how I did it. I had two little girls by age nineteen, so it was quite a journey.
Your powerful insight and writing is a gift to us all, but especially those who have been raised in high control, abusive cults. Your hard fought wisdom and fierce truth telling in this piece, and all of your others, will be such a powerful, healing light for so many people, including children, still lost in darkness and abusive dynamics. Please keep sharing your experience and insight — it is so incredibly needed at this exact moment in time! Xoxo
How bizar that till a few years ago, I didn’t even know I was in this same cult in the Netherlands! My mother died when I was 15, so that was exactly the same age I could go!! Now I’m 43 and I always thought it was just a normal religion with no name… I never believed a piece and had my own thoughts, that saved me from a lot of mental abuse, but thanks for this information and feelings!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Elske! I always knew it wasn’t “normal” because we were set apart from the world and exclusionary but i didn’t realize it was really a cult until recently.
My late husband was indoctrinated into this cult at age 10 by a family across the road that took him under their wing. He then married into it, had 3 children, and slowly deconstructed himself over a decade, culminating in divorce and leaving the church. He was shunned, had a strained relationship with his children and community, and had to rebuild his life outside of his indoctrination. When he died unexpectedly at 51, in 2022, his youngest son who was in his mid 20s, struggled because he worried his father, who was a good and kind person, might be in hell. Several of the church elders attempted to spin reassurances, that maybe he converted back to the faith at the final hour. It was so infuriating to watch and hear. Since then, 2 of his 3 children have left the cult, one remains in but barely. His ex wife also left. Its been so incredibly difficult to watch all of it. As a deconstructed evangelical Lutheran from age 14, I am astonished that this type of shit still exists. The damage is real and permanent. Thank you for sharing your story.
Wow, I bow to that young woman for following her instinct to leave, even though she hadn’t yet developed the critical thinking to see the wisdom of it. To raise children without an ability to tolerate uncertainty is like offering them food that is void of nourishment. Just enough to keep them alive, but nothing else. Thank you for sharing your courage.
Wow. The so called leaders are definitely guilty of emotional abuse of children. It also should be a criminal offence to run an opaque organisation where the members are told they will face horrific or eternal punishments if they leave. These types of authoritarian belief systems are immature and primitive forms of social control and a modern person doesn’t need them in order to choose to live an ethical life anyway. For anyone who thinks otherwise, there’s always the police and the courts ❤️🩹
Thank you for seeing the weight of this. Emotional abuse—especially when disguised as religious devotion—is one of the most insidious forms of harm because it leaves no visible scars but shapes a person’s entire sense of self. The use of fear to control children, to make them believe their very survival depends on obedience, is psychological captivity.
And yes, the secrecy of these organizations is deliberate. Transparency would mean accountability, and accountability threatens control. The fact that so many survivors struggle with guilt even after they leave speaks to how deeply this indoctrination runs.
You're absolutely right—ethical living doesn’t require authoritarian rule. Public awareness is a powerful force. The more we talk about these abuses, the harder it becomes for these groups to operate unchecked.
What a story. How brave you were, saving your own life when you really were still a child. A Q&A would be fascinating. I’m so glad I got to read this. You’re amazing, Kelly. Thank you.
Hi, Kelly, I am glad we have the privilege of understanding what we grew up in and have words for it now. For our parents this never happened. I am fourth generation.
Thank you, Janelle! So glad to find you here. And yes, I grieve for our parents. It took me a lifetime, a LIFETIME, to find these words, it took me decades of self-examination, hard work, and dedication to truth and free thought to arrive at these words. Imagine what it must be like for them. 💔
And until this year I have always been so careful about not writing about my religion but it is definitely coming into my memoir pieces. And it informs my historical writing as well.
My connection to your story stems from my own (much milder) indoctrination. I marvel at your strength to leave at only 15! Thank you for sharing your courage.
Thank you. I marvel too. Truly. 🥲🔥
I am Kelly's sister and greatly appreciated her article about the 2x2's and how we were raised. It has been a lifetime struggle to overcome the untruths of this cult. Her words about her struggle were beautifully stated in truth. My heart goes out to all who were so misled.
Thanks for chiming in, Linda. <3
Thx Linda. What is the age difference and did you also leave if you don’t mind saying so?
💚
Oh my word. I love this. I cannot begin to leave a comment to do this justice, the writing, the story, the every single thing I identified with. I only have a minute as am supposed to be in a meeting five minutes ago, but ....thank you. Gorgeous writing and gorgeous telling. xo
Thank you for reading Kristin!
Okay. Back, and now it's had time to simmer.
You captured things that are tricky to capture. Applauding. I was 15 when I left, and when it came down to leaving, it was exactly your opening line. Exactly. I'd rather, I decided, go to hell if that was the option. I've said that so often it feels trite, and yet. Reading your words, hearing you say it, landed me.
I'm 50 now, right, so it's been my joke. The choice between 2x2s or hell, and yet when I read your words and saw your choice I remembered. I was 15, and that choice wasn't made on the fly. It was the culmination of knowing the 2x2s were wrong, and more. And at the same time, I'd internalized all the things they'd intended me to, and so I made that choice half-believing it might in fact be me, deciding to spend eternity in hell.
Good lord.
I'd considered myself so grown up but looking back understand. Fifteen years old is not, in fact, grown up. And I was a bit of a disaster, what with all the stuff, so, well. My heart aches for me and for you and for all of us, and I am so grateful this piece is here, and you are writing, and I'm writing. xo
Yes. Something inside me at 15 knew “this can’t be right.” Yet I was born with the koolaid in my veins so to speak. I believed absolutely I had to choose hell to leave. 100%. Looking back I’m grateful for the teenager who fought to live. So grateful. Thank you, Kristin. Keep writing! I will too. ✍🏼
Powerful, potent writing, Kelly. You stand testament to the integration of past struggles into a present where you have created a different life for yourself, one you can claim as your own. I know you as a force of nature. Onward!!
Thank you Cheryl! It feels good to be wholly seen.
Thank you, Kelly, for your honesty in sharing here what the world needs to hear over and over again. Somehow even if we learn these lessons, many forget them when they find themselves unmoored and joining a group like this somehow has appeal. But that’s what these high control groups do, prey on people in emotional need. I was so pleased to see this piece in my inbox today. You are a force.
Thank you Casey for these words of acknowledgement. It is beyond healing to be fully seen. This is where I come from and integral to my story.
Oh, my comment had been lost. Sorry. But Kelly was a courageous girl to leave the cult at 15 and go to unknown huge world and build her life from nothing. I admire her tremendously.
thank you, Larisa! I appreciate you reading this and your admiration. I often wonder myself how I did it. I had two little girls by age nineteen, so it was quite a journey.
Your powerful insight and writing is a gift to us all, but especially those who have been raised in high control, abusive cults. Your hard fought wisdom and fierce truth telling in this piece, and all of your others, will be such a powerful, healing light for so many people, including children, still lost in darkness and abusive dynamics. Please keep sharing your experience and insight — it is so incredibly needed at this exact moment in time! Xoxo
Thank you, Maura. I’m hearing from so many who experienced the exact same things and are grateful for my words -which took me a lifetime to find. 😭
Powerful! I completely relate. Thank you for your honesty and bravery.
I know you know. Thank you Shavaun. This means a lot.
How bizar that till a few years ago, I didn’t even know I was in this same cult in the Netherlands! My mother died when I was 15, so that was exactly the same age I could go!! Now I’m 43 and I always thought it was just a normal religion with no name… I never believed a piece and had my own thoughts, that saved me from a lot of mental abuse, but thanks for this information and feelings!
Thank you for reading and commenting, Elske! I always knew it wasn’t “normal” because we were set apart from the world and exclusionary but i didn’t realize it was really a cult until recently.
Incredibly powerful, Kelly. What a courageous girl you were. And woman you are now. Grateful you’re telling your story.
Appreciate the read, Alyson!
My late husband was indoctrinated into this cult at age 10 by a family across the road that took him under their wing. He then married into it, had 3 children, and slowly deconstructed himself over a decade, culminating in divorce and leaving the church. He was shunned, had a strained relationship with his children and community, and had to rebuild his life outside of his indoctrination. When he died unexpectedly at 51, in 2022, his youngest son who was in his mid 20s, struggled because he worried his father, who was a good and kind person, might be in hell. Several of the church elders attempted to spin reassurances, that maybe he converted back to the faith at the final hour. It was so infuriating to watch and hear. Since then, 2 of his 3 children have left the cult, one remains in but barely. His ex wife also left. Its been so incredibly difficult to watch all of it. As a deconstructed evangelical Lutheran from age 14, I am astonished that this type of shit still exists. The damage is real and permanent. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for reading and sharing your experience of 2x2s. The damage is lifelong. Utter destruction. We do recover but it is a hard road.
Wow, I bow to that young woman for following her instinct to leave, even though she hadn’t yet developed the critical thinking to see the wisdom of it. To raise children without an ability to tolerate uncertainty is like offering them food that is void of nourishment. Just enough to keep them alive, but nothing else. Thank you for sharing your courage.
Oh wow! So glad you read it. Thank you, Kimberly.
Wow. The so called leaders are definitely guilty of emotional abuse of children. It also should be a criminal offence to run an opaque organisation where the members are told they will face horrific or eternal punishments if they leave. These types of authoritarian belief systems are immature and primitive forms of social control and a modern person doesn’t need them in order to choose to live an ethical life anyway. For anyone who thinks otherwise, there’s always the police and the courts ❤️🩹
Thank you for seeing the weight of this. Emotional abuse—especially when disguised as religious devotion—is one of the most insidious forms of harm because it leaves no visible scars but shapes a person’s entire sense of self. The use of fear to control children, to make them believe their very survival depends on obedience, is psychological captivity.
And yes, the secrecy of these organizations is deliberate. Transparency would mean accountability, and accountability threatens control. The fact that so many survivors struggle with guilt even after they leave speaks to how deeply this indoctrination runs.
You're absolutely right—ethical living doesn’t require authoritarian rule. Public awareness is a powerful force. The more we talk about these abuses, the harder it becomes for these groups to operate unchecked.
What a story. How brave you were, saving your own life when you really were still a child. A Q&A would be fascinating. I’m so glad I got to read this. You’re amazing, Kelly. Thank you.
Wow, Nan! Thank you so much for reading! I appreciate this and you.
Of course! Why wouldn’t I? You have an amazing story AND you’re a terrific writer. xo
Thank you for sharing
It only took a lifetime to find these words. Thank you for reading!
Hi, Kelly, I am glad we have the privilege of understanding what we grew up in and have words for it now. For our parents this never happened. I am fourth generation.
Thank you, Janelle! So glad to find you here. And yes, I grieve for our parents. It took me a lifetime, a LIFETIME, to find these words, it took me decades of self-examination, hard work, and dedication to truth and free thought to arrive at these words. Imagine what it must be like for them. 💔
And until this year I have always been so careful about not writing about my religion but it is definitely coming into my memoir pieces. And it informs my historical writing as well.
My mother is almost 94…