This was almost exactly my experience with skiing. My first husband had been skiing almost since he could walk and wanted to initiate me to the sport. I was athletic - I promise! I played squash and golf. I swam and even even did cross country skiing. But downhill skiing was not in my DNA. Exiting the chairlift was a feat. Staying on my feet was a feat. The crowning glory came when I had the breath completely knocked out of me after falling flat on my face with the ex-girlfriend looking on. What was I thinking?
Love so much how you tell the story through skiing of learning to stand up for what you want and don't want. Also, so relating. In dh skiing, but also everything--the way we sort of abandon ourselves in trying to like things we think we should like.
People who love to ski refuse to understand how anyone else could feel differently. As someone living in Canada with six months of snow and some decent hills, this comes up...EVERY YEAR. It parallels The Two Solitudes that divide our country along language lines, the French and English. You either ski or you're a killjoy. When someone tries to coax me to a ski hill, my new defense is to say, "Sure, if you read this great book I just finished." That works. Try it. Let me know.
Downhill sking -no can do. Now cross country that's the jam. I love this triplet of torture and I so appreciate the honest reckoning! Did you grow up Baldwin NY? My father lived in Hempstead, where I spent weekends.
Thanks, Natasha! (Tried cross-country when I first moved upstate and while not treacherous...it's not really for me either.) I grew up in Island park/Oceanside/Long Beach.
I loved this! I could relate to so much of it as I grew up in a town with a ski hill, and everyone skied at it except me! If you were popular, you skied and had those tags on your jacket. My sister and brother skied, I wouldn't do it. I was afraid, and if it was a thing the popular kids did, then I didn't want to have any part in it. I admit I did try it twice. The second time, my skis got crossed going up the rope lift, and I thought my knees would twist off. Luckily, the young man who was operating the tow rope saved me. That was the best part! I'm glad you finally stopped torturing yourself and found a non-skiing husband.
I read and resonated with this the first time I read it, and love it again - as I do all your writing - this second time, picking up new details such as the therapist who helped guide you toward nice men. So glad you and Brian found each other.
Great read, thank you 😊. I got stuck on a chair lift when l was in senior high school as we were getting off the mountain, coming home from a week skiing. The lift broke down in a blizzard. We were locked in though l was on the brink of hypothermia, having packed my jacket in my bag 🤪. My best friend was on the chair behind me with a broken tooth and nose, having the day before, skied into a tree whilst following her camp crush down a black run that had been closed due to ice. We still laugh about it 42 years later.
OMG, I related to so many lines of this Sari. My thing was swimming. In grad school in Chicago I had free access to a pool and a swimming coach and was determined to become a good swimmer. I did laps three times a week for a year, learning how to breathe every third stroke. I HATED IT. EVERY TIME. Finally I told myself that I had literally given it the ol' college try, and I was never going to like swimming, and that was OKAY.
I learned how to ski at 8 and really liked it... the fear at being on a slope you don't have the skills to navigate, the patch of ice, the freezing feet. But mostly, how long it took me to begin to say what I actually like and think and feel. Just ordered on Kindle!
Love your excerpt Sari! I used to ski with my dad until the day I encouraged him to try an intermediate blue run instead of the beginner green one. After a nasty fall, he came down the slope in one of those metal cage stretchers which blunted his enthusiasm to ski, understandably. Despite my fifteen-year-old guilt (thinking I caused the accident) i continued to ski another couple of decades.
Went skiing once in college and hated it! I made myself fall if I found myself going too fast. I lost a ski on the chairlift and had to jump off on on ski. So, suffice it to say, I can relate.
I loved the tone of your piece. I had a complicated relationship with skiing as a kid but after a 15 year break and the addition of boot warmers I ended up loving it. No one more surprised than me.
I love this book! There’s so much in it that I relate to, including this. I didn’t want to be seen as a “demanding girl,” so I went along with minimal pushback.
Oh my God! I am right there with you. I’ve only gone skiing a few times in my life. It looks like great fun but each instance was a disaster and exercise in shame and self-hate. Finally, in my early eighties, I’m done with trying to contort myself into someone I’m not. I love the outdoors and walk for a couple hours each day by myself, accompanied by audiobooks and quiet thoughts. Finally, after years of fighting my essential, introversive nature, I am free and, mostly, satisfied with just being me. However, there still are moments. Fortunately, my wisecracking extroversive husband is quite happy to remain the center of attention, which allows me to remain in the shadows pursuing my own private thoughts and dreams and just being me unapologetically. It works.
What a fun, and fine, piece of writing. All of that shame and obligation we carry around In ourselves- you brought it to life beautifully. It’s a relief to know that other people feel these feelings (and about skiing, which has also become this weird yardstick by which I measure whether I am cool/adventurous/truly a Vermonter/a good mom).
This was almost exactly my experience with skiing. My first husband had been skiing almost since he could walk and wanted to initiate me to the sport. I was athletic - I promise! I played squash and golf. I swam and even even did cross country skiing. But downhill skiing was not in my DNA. Exiting the chairlift was a feat. Staying on my feet was a feat. The crowning glory came when I had the breath completely knocked out of me after falling flat on my face with the ex-girlfriend looking on. What was I thinking?
Thanks for letting me know how much you get this!
Love so much how you tell the story through skiing of learning to stand up for what you want and don't want. Also, so relating. In dh skiing, but also everything--the way we sort of abandon ourselves in trying to like things we think we should like.
Thank you, Asya! Yes, I meant for this to be about self-abandonment, and learning to stop doing that. <3
People who love to ski refuse to understand how anyone else could feel differently. As someone living in Canada with six months of snow and some decent hills, this comes up...EVERY YEAR. It parallels The Two Solitudes that divide our country along language lines, the French and English. You either ski or you're a killjoy. When someone tries to coax me to a ski hill, my new defense is to say, "Sure, if you read this great book I just finished." That works. Try it. Let me know.
That's a good retort!
Downhill sking -no can do. Now cross country that's the jam. I love this triplet of torture and I so appreciate the honest reckoning! Did you grow up Baldwin NY? My father lived in Hempstead, where I spent weekends.
Thanks, Natasha! (Tried cross-country when I first moved upstate and while not treacherous...it's not really for me either.) I grew up in Island park/Oceanside/Long Beach.
I loved this! I could relate to so much of it as I grew up in a town with a ski hill, and everyone skied at it except me! If you were popular, you skied and had those tags on your jacket. My sister and brother skied, I wouldn't do it. I was afraid, and if it was a thing the popular kids did, then I didn't want to have any part in it. I admit I did try it twice. The second time, my skis got crossed going up the rope lift, and I thought my knees would twist off. Luckily, the young man who was operating the tow rope saved me. That was the best part! I'm glad you finally stopped torturing yourself and found a non-skiing husband.
Thanks, Doreen! And for letting me know how much you relate to this. <3
I read and resonated with this the first time I read it, and love it again - as I do all your writing - this second time, picking up new details such as the therapist who helped guide you toward nice men. So glad you and Brian found each other.
Thanks so much Kirie!
Great read, thank you 😊. I got stuck on a chair lift when l was in senior high school as we were getting off the mountain, coming home from a week skiing. The lift broke down in a blizzard. We were locked in though l was on the brink of hypothermia, having packed my jacket in my bag 🤪. My best friend was on the chair behind me with a broken tooth and nose, having the day before, skied into a tree whilst following her camp crush down a black run that had been closed due to ice. We still laugh about it 42 years later.
Oh, how terrifying! And cold. 🥶
OMG, I related to so many lines of this Sari. My thing was swimming. In grad school in Chicago I had free access to a pool and a swimming coach and was determined to become a good swimmer. I did laps three times a week for a year, learning how to breathe every third stroke. I HATED IT. EVERY TIME. Finally I told myself that I had literally given it the ol' college try, and I was never going to like swimming, and that was OKAY.
I learned how to ski at 8 and really liked it... the fear at being on a slope you don't have the skills to navigate, the patch of ice, the freezing feet. But mostly, how long it took me to begin to say what I actually like and think and feel. Just ordered on Kindle!
Thank you, and thank you, Stephanie!
Love your excerpt Sari! I used to ski with my dad until the day I encouraged him to try an intermediate blue run instead of the beginner green one. After a nasty fall, he came down the slope in one of those metal cage stretchers which blunted his enthusiasm to ski, understandably. Despite my fifteen-year-old guilt (thinking I caused the accident) i continued to ski another couple of decades.
Oh, that's terrifying! I hope he was okay after that. Thanks for sharing. Glad you enjoyed this!
I used to like skiing and loved ice skating but now I find my balance and fear on bone breaks are not kind to either of these former loves.
Went skiing once in college and hated it! I made myself fall if I found myself going too fast. I lost a ski on the chairlift and had to jump off on on ski. So, suffice it to say, I can relate.
💝
I loved the tone of your piece. I had a complicated relationship with skiing as a kid but after a 15 year break and the addition of boot warmers I ended up loving it. No one more surprised than me.
Thanks, Judith!!!
I love this book! There’s so much in it that I relate to, including this. I didn’t want to be seen as a “demanding girl,” so I went along with minimal pushback.
Thank you, thank you, Leslie!!
Oh my God! I am right there with you. I’ve only gone skiing a few times in my life. It looks like great fun but each instance was a disaster and exercise in shame and self-hate. Finally, in my early eighties, I’m done with trying to contort myself into someone I’m not. I love the outdoors and walk for a couple hours each day by myself, accompanied by audiobooks and quiet thoughts. Finally, after years of fighting my essential, introversive nature, I am free and, mostly, satisfied with just being me. However, there still are moments. Fortunately, my wisecracking extroversive husband is quite happy to remain the center of attention, which allows me to remain in the shadows pursuing my own private thoughts and dreams and just being me unapologetically. It works.
Glad to know you identify! Thanks for telling me. 💕
What a fun, and fine, piece of writing. All of that shame and obligation we carry around In ourselves- you brought it to life beautifully. It’s a relief to know that other people feel these feelings (and about skiing, which has also become this weird yardstick by which I measure whether I am cool/adventurous/truly a Vermonter/a good mom).
Thank you, Liz. So glad to know this resonated. 💕
>>I want to be perceived as Up for anything! Low-maintenance!
An empathetic, thumbs up emoji from me!
🙏🏻