The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire #85: Olga Khazan

"A few times people have asked me how they, too, can be funny. My advice would be to write with more specificity and to watch a lot of standup."

Since 2010, in various publications, I’ve interviewed authors—mostly memoirists—about aspects of writing and publishing. Initially I did this for my own edification, as someone who was struggling to find the courage and support to write and publish my memoir. I’m still curious about other authors’ experiences, and I know many of you are, too. So, inspired by the popularity of The Oldster Magazine Questionnaire, I’ve launched The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire.

Here’s the 85th installment, featuring

Olga Khazan

, author most recently of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. -Sari Botton

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Olga Khazan. Photo by Tim Coburn.

Olga Khazan is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author of Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. She has also written for the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post, and other publications. She writes a Substack about personality change.

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How old are you, and for how long have you been writing?

I’m 38, and writing has been my full-time job for 11 years. Before that, I was primarily editing.

What’s the title of your latest book, and when was it published?

Me, But Better: The Science and Promise of Personality Change. Published today, March 11, 2025.

What number book is this for you?

This is my second book. My first book, Weird: The Power of Being an Outsider in an Insider World came out in 2020.

How do you categorize your book—as a memoir, memoir-in-essays, essay collection, creative nonfiction, graphic memoir, autofiction—and why?

I would say creative nonfiction. It is largely a personal narrative, but there’s a lot of science and a bit of reporting on other people in there, too.

I’ve been working at The Atlantic for 12 years, primarily covering science and human behavior. This book grew out of a cover story I wrote on a similar topic in 2022. The response to that piece made me realize there was a lot more to say on this phenomenon and a lot of reader interest there.

What is the “elevator pitch” for your book?

A few years ago, I was stuck in a rut, and I realized that I was often being undermined by my reactions to various situations. In other words, my personality. But I had come across some scientific research that showed that you can change your personality by behaving like the kind of person you’d like to be. If you’d like to be more extroverted, get out more. If you’d like to be more relaxed, start a meditation practice, and so forth. I tried these and many other activities intended to mold my traits into the kind of personality that’s associated with happiness, health, and success. The book documents my efforts—and shows how others can do the same.

What’s the back story of this book including your origin story as a writer? How did you become a writer, and how did this book come to be?

I was always interested in becoming a writer. I was editor of my high-school newspaper and competed in statewide journalism competitions. (Nerd emoji). I went to grad school for journalism and briefly worked at the Washington Post before landing at The Atlantic. At this point, I’ve been working at The Atlantic for 12 years, primarily covering science and human behavior. This book grew out of a cover story I wrote on a similar topic in 2022. The response to that piece made me realize there was a lot more to say on this phenomenon and a lot of reader interest there.

Order the book…

What were the hardest aspects of writing this book and getting it published?

Toward the end of the writing process, I started trying to get pregnant. Though I wanted the pregnancy, it happened a lot faster than I thought it would, so there was still a fair amount of the book left to finish. I realize this is dumb, but I did not know how physically and mentally draining pregnancy is.

The combination of not being able to drink enough coffee and just feeling so tired all the time made it really hard to work on the book, especially since at that point I was back at work full-time. I would sometimes take a 7 p.m. nap just so I could get up at 8 p.m. and do another hour of work on the book before collapsing into bed again. Moral of the story? If your biological clock allows, don’t get pregnant until you finish your book!

How did you handle writing about real people in your life? Did you use real or changed names and identifying details? Did you run passages or the whole book by people who appear in the narrative? Did you make changes they requested?

Great question. I would say there are different buckets of people in the book:

1) Interview subjects who knew they were being interviewed. They appear under their real, full names.

2) Friends of mine who did not know they would be in the book. For most, I use their real first names. I mostly did not run passages by them unless they were unusually sensitive or could be interpreted negatively.

3) People I encountered/people in my life who also did not know they would be in a book. I used pseudonyms for most folks like this so they would not be identifiable.

A few years ago, I was stuck in a rut, and I realized that I was often being undermined by my reactions to various situations. In other words, my personality. But I had come across some scientific research that showed that you can change your personality by behaving like the kind of person you’d like to be. If you’d like to be more extroverted, get out more. If you’d like to be more relaxed, start a meditation practice, and so forth. I tried these and many other activities intended to mold my traits into the kind of personality that’s associated with happiness, health, and success. The book documents my efforts—and shows how others can do the same.

Who is another writer you took inspiration from in producing this book? Was it a specific book, or their whole body of work? (Can be more than one writer or book.)

I basically read every memoir in existence while writing this, heh. Some favorites: How to Say Babylon by Safiya Sinclair, When in French by Lauren Collins, and Look Alive Out There by Sloane Crosley.

What advice would you give to aspiring writers looking to publish a book like yours, who are maybe afraid, or intimidated by the process?

I haaaate giving advice, not because I don’t want other writers to succeed but because it presumes that 1) I am successful and that 2) doing what I do will ensure success. I don’t purport either of those things to be true!

However, I have been told that I am funny in my writing. And a few times people have asked me how they, too, can be funny. There, my advice would be to write with more specificity and to watch a lot of stand-up comedy. That’s all I got!

What do you love about writing? 

That feeling when you come up with a really great sentence and just know it’s gonna kill.

What frustrates you about writing?

All those times you don’t come up with a really great sentence and have to just kind of settle for an okay one because you’re on deadline.

What about writing surprises you?

This may be cheesy, but I’m still surprised by how, even in this age of infinite distraction, people gravitate toward good writing, and by how a great book can help people work through things, feel better, and transcend themselves. I know, I know, “reading takes you on an adventure,” eyeroll … but it’s true!

Does your writing practice involve any kind of routine or writing at specific times? 

Nope. I just try to get to it when I can!

I’m still surprised by how, even in this age of infinite distraction, people gravitate toward good writing, and by how a great book can help people work through things, feel better, and transcend themselves. I know, I know, “reading takes you on an adventure,” eyeroll … but it’s true!

Do you engage in any other creative pursuits, professionally or for fun? Are there non-writing activities do you consider to be “writing” or supportive of your process?

Before I had a baby, I watched a lot of foreign movies, which I felt “fed” me intellectually in a slightly different way than other types of media consumption. Now I don’t do anything fun, unless you count singing “Baby Beluga” 400 times a day! Which I don’t!

What’s next for you? Do you have another book planned, or in the works?

I have an 11-month-old, so the next milestone, I believe, is pulling up to stand. 😀

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Check out all the interviews in The Memoir Land Author Questionnaire series.