I have had hearing loss since childhood. It became acute enough that stopped my job as a professor, because I was spending so much time asking students to repeat themselves. If I had gotten my hearing aids (Starkey, a company that is very socially conscious and responsible) before then, I'd have stayed in the classroom. They have saved my social life and re-opened my ears to the sounds of the natural world. For heavens' sake, don't resist that technology.
Your story is so beautiful. I’m estranged from my father who I was extremely close to most of my life. He’s hard of hearing. And I keep crying thinking of how hard it’s been for him for the past few decades. Where he’d say he didn’t like going to parties and that was partly because he couldn’t hear in a big crowded space. And how hard he always tried to connect and how he’d sometimes say something that didn’t make sense because he couldn’t hear what the other person said. I bought him an iPhone years ago because it would synch up with his hearing aides, and the iPhone was life changing for how much better he can hear, but what he liked most was FaceTiming so he could see my face. Now I’m questioning having gone no contact with him since last May. My husband saw him earlier this month, and my dad told him he misses me and he’s sad we’re estranged.
Interesting! Thanks Alison. I am HOH and have worn aids since my early 30s though I am now ancient and glad to not be looking for work. I’ll argue about your statistic that more women are deaf/HOH than men however. In the case of moderate loss, I think women are far more likely to admit that they have a problem and do whatever they can to overcome it….and try to make hearers comfortable. Not so much for men and I can think of several, mostly old goats whose loss came late, who then try hard to make other people responsible for them hearing. I doubt they are being counted.
I used to get the "You talk real good" comment a lot. I don't know what it is, but lately, I simply don't talk as good anymore. The headaches, yes, always and forever. I grind my teeth now and they're falling apart. You write real good, btw.
Thank you for sharing your honest experiences and also being able to put yourself in the shoes of a non-deaf person means that any one of them should attempt to do the same for you. 💕
Incredibly grateful to you for this writing. I am HOH, a term I only learned minutes prior to going into a minor surgery recently. So much of what you have said here resonates times a thousand. So much so, I have been nodding my head, same same same here. I am often ridiculed, made fun of, joked about to my face for not being able to hear. I have been yelled at, literally, why did i not tell them in the first place i was HOH. You see, they felt bad for losing patience with me when I had to ask them three times to repeat themselves.
Another person said oh my god, you really need hearing aids, don’t you. (In my mind, my sarcastic me says oh really? Wow, i had no idea). There is so much mud slinging thrown in my face, ha ha oh you didn’t hear me, and then their volume goes up LOUD which is not at all what I personally need as an HOH. Someone woh works in the industry of HOH taught me an extremely important aspect of how to speak to someone aka in that moment, me. She taught me that articulation is one of THE best ways to communicate with someone who is HOH. And for years, she has spoken to me in a different way, articulating in a way that she learned from the D. And d. , from the inside. I will tell you, I have never had to ask her to repel at herself to me. Rarely. I had no idea she was doing this until she told me. And she does this because she feels it is her responsibility to help me be able to hear her. Never ever a condescending lilt in her voice.
So, Im grateful to you for opening up the doors and windows, wide, to your own experiences of being HOH.
I have not been tested in years. On the one hand, in my mind, I ask myself, what difference would it make ? To me. I cannot manage the financial outrageous cost of hearing aids. And I am so often told I should get them and how they would help me ... and well, round and round the conversation goes.
One person, when I kept asking her to repeat her self, positioned herself directly in front of me and shouted so aloud that I was Deaf, that it actually urn my heart. I was so upset, said something but it fell to the floor because she was laughing at me. For being HOH.
I have, to my knowledge, not written about this openly. It feels a bit strange to and yet. Like many things I am laying claim to these days, at long last, is that I am tired of apologizing to anyone who becomes annoyed with me that i have to ask them to repeat what they said. More often than not, I will pretend i hear and then sometimes, oftentimes there’s that smug tone, oh did you not hear what I just said.
To feel like an outsider, with the level of hearing loss that I have. Well it’s my reality . And I am much more comfortable writing to communicate than speaking. I’m trying to find my voice, my own self, my self respect and being HOH is a huge part of this. It is exhausting to have to explain to someone...the WHY I cant hear them. Hell if I know why .
Anyway....enough said and again, so grateful to have found your words here, now.
When I was a support worker for adults with learning and physical disabilities, I had a d/Deaf training session and here's a little fact that really makes one understand how much we as a society fail d/Deaf people. Some d/Deaf children who do NOT have innate learning difficulties miss so much of their parents' conversation and their early schooling that by secondary school they have the same academic and social skills as a child with severe learning difficulties. Sometimes they are even misdiagnosed as having a severe learning difficulty which sets them back even further and can lead to them being given incorrect and potentially damaging treatments than they didn't need, all the while losing more ground because their deafness still isn't properly accommodated for. And yes, these are children whose hearing loss has been diagnosed at a young age - it's the lack of parental education and school accommodations that causes this.
I'm a little deaf - well, no, I have auditory processing disorder which means although I heard the sounds of your voice I'm struggling to process what it means, and I have ADHD which meant I only caught the first part of your sentence before my attention failed, and it's frustrating that I either have to explain all of that and field incredibly silly and invasive questions OR lay claim to a disability I don't have JUST to get people to fucking repeat themselves more than once. And, as I'm sure you've experienced, sometimes even then they'll still sigh and say 'it doesn't matter'. Hearing folks and folks without communication difficulties - don't do this. If it was important to say once, it's important enough to make sure we understand you. 'I'll tell you later,' is fine if you do actually remember to tell us when we're out of the loud environment.
I once was assigned to a new-to-me dental hygienist. Something was difficult in our communication. During a lull, I asked about the finger alphabet poster on the wall, asking whether she had deaf patients. Her: I’m practically deaf myself!
!!
Suddenly, everything was easy. I spoke to her only when she was looking at me. I figured out which part of my foreign accent was giving her difficulties and switched to another kind of R.
And she was the first person who found out about my life situation, the first person I heard supporting words from.
I'm HoH myself, with a healthy helping of tinnitus on the side. It took me a few years and the occasional outburst of "I AM NOT MISHEARING YOU ON PURPOSE" to get my loved ones to stop sighing heavily when they had to repeat themselves.
Alison, I appreciate this essay so very much. Thank you for writing it. (And thank you Sari for publishing this one).
My 14-year-old was born with bilateral conductive hearing loss and has been aided since infancy. After signing for his first 18 months, we chose a deaf-oral preschool at the advice of our son's audiologist and ENT.
I have been advocating for my son's (relatively) unseen disability since he entered Kindergarten Though he does have an assigned DHH in the public school--her duties are spread among many Deaf and HOH students across multiple schools. This year (8th grade), we've been working to turn the advocacy part over to my son. I was surprised (dismayed) to learn at school conferences, two months into the school year, that his geography teacher and English teacher had no idea my son was HOH and wore hearing aids (currently has a long hair style). Even with this knowledge, his geography teacher has no patience for when my son reports not having heard an aspect of an assignment.
Reading your statistics about employment of those with a hearing disability is a tough pill to swallow. I've fought so hard, so long for my son to be "mainstreamed," and sometimes, I wonder if this has been the wrong battle all along. As parents, we make the best decisions we can at the time, with the available information. We learn as we go.
Thanks again for writing this essay. I wish you all the best in finding an amazing new position.
Thank you for adding to our body of collective knowledge about this experience.
Such an important insight and, beautifully written. I wish I could offer you a job!
I have had hearing loss since childhood. It became acute enough that stopped my job as a professor, because I was spending so much time asking students to repeat themselves. If I had gotten my hearing aids (Starkey, a company that is very socially conscious and responsible) before then, I'd have stayed in the classroom. They have saved my social life and re-opened my ears to the sounds of the natural world. For heavens' sake, don't resist that technology.
Your story is so beautiful. I’m estranged from my father who I was extremely close to most of my life. He’s hard of hearing. And I keep crying thinking of how hard it’s been for him for the past few decades. Where he’d say he didn’t like going to parties and that was partly because he couldn’t hear in a big crowded space. And how hard he always tried to connect and how he’d sometimes say something that didn’t make sense because he couldn’t hear what the other person said. I bought him an iPhone years ago because it would synch up with his hearing aides, and the iPhone was life changing for how much better he can hear, but what he liked most was FaceTiming so he could see my face. Now I’m questioning having gone no contact with him since last May. My husband saw him earlier this month, and my dad told him he misses me and he’s sad we’re estranged.
Interesting! Thanks Alison. I am HOH and have worn aids since my early 30s though I am now ancient and glad to not be looking for work. I’ll argue about your statistic that more women are deaf/HOH than men however. In the case of moderate loss, I think women are far more likely to admit that they have a problem and do whatever they can to overcome it….and try to make hearers comfortable. Not so much for men and I can think of several, mostly old goats whose loss came late, who then try hard to make other people responsible for them hearing. I doubt they are being counted.
I used to get the "You talk real good" comment a lot. I don't know what it is, but lately, I simply don't talk as good anymore. The headaches, yes, always and forever. I grind my teeth now and they're falling apart. You write real good, btw.
Thank you for sharing your honest experiences and also being able to put yourself in the shoes of a non-deaf person means that any one of them should attempt to do the same for you. 💕
Incredibly grateful to you for this writing. I am HOH, a term I only learned minutes prior to going into a minor surgery recently. So much of what you have said here resonates times a thousand. So much so, I have been nodding my head, same same same here. I am often ridiculed, made fun of, joked about to my face for not being able to hear. I have been yelled at, literally, why did i not tell them in the first place i was HOH. You see, they felt bad for losing patience with me when I had to ask them three times to repeat themselves.
Another person said oh my god, you really need hearing aids, don’t you. (In my mind, my sarcastic me says oh really? Wow, i had no idea). There is so much mud slinging thrown in my face, ha ha oh you didn’t hear me, and then their volume goes up LOUD which is not at all what I personally need as an HOH. Someone woh works in the industry of HOH taught me an extremely important aspect of how to speak to someone aka in that moment, me. She taught me that articulation is one of THE best ways to communicate with someone who is HOH. And for years, she has spoken to me in a different way, articulating in a way that she learned from the D. And d. , from the inside. I will tell you, I have never had to ask her to repel at herself to me. Rarely. I had no idea she was doing this until she told me. And she does this because she feels it is her responsibility to help me be able to hear her. Never ever a condescending lilt in her voice.
So, Im grateful to you for opening up the doors and windows, wide, to your own experiences of being HOH.
I have not been tested in years. On the one hand, in my mind, I ask myself, what difference would it make ? To me. I cannot manage the financial outrageous cost of hearing aids. And I am so often told I should get them and how they would help me ... and well, round and round the conversation goes.
One person, when I kept asking her to repeat her self, positioned herself directly in front of me and shouted so aloud that I was Deaf, that it actually urn my heart. I was so upset, said something but it fell to the floor because she was laughing at me. For being HOH.
I have, to my knowledge, not written about this openly. It feels a bit strange to and yet. Like many things I am laying claim to these days, at long last, is that I am tired of apologizing to anyone who becomes annoyed with me that i have to ask them to repeat what they said. More often than not, I will pretend i hear and then sometimes, oftentimes there’s that smug tone, oh did you not hear what I just said.
To feel like an outsider, with the level of hearing loss that I have. Well it’s my reality . And I am much more comfortable writing to communicate than speaking. I’m trying to find my voice, my own self, my self respect and being HOH is a huge part of this. It is exhausting to have to explain to someone...the WHY I cant hear them. Hell if I know why .
Anyway....enough said and again, so grateful to have found your words here, now.
When I was a support worker for adults with learning and physical disabilities, I had a d/Deaf training session and here's a little fact that really makes one understand how much we as a society fail d/Deaf people. Some d/Deaf children who do NOT have innate learning difficulties miss so much of their parents' conversation and their early schooling that by secondary school they have the same academic and social skills as a child with severe learning difficulties. Sometimes they are even misdiagnosed as having a severe learning difficulty which sets them back even further and can lead to them being given incorrect and potentially damaging treatments than they didn't need, all the while losing more ground because their deafness still isn't properly accommodated for. And yes, these are children whose hearing loss has been diagnosed at a young age - it's the lack of parental education and school accommodations that causes this.
I'm a little deaf - well, no, I have auditory processing disorder which means although I heard the sounds of your voice I'm struggling to process what it means, and I have ADHD which meant I only caught the first part of your sentence before my attention failed, and it's frustrating that I either have to explain all of that and field incredibly silly and invasive questions OR lay claim to a disability I don't have JUST to get people to fucking repeat themselves more than once. And, as I'm sure you've experienced, sometimes even then they'll still sigh and say 'it doesn't matter'. Hearing folks and folks without communication difficulties - don't do this. If it was important to say once, it's important enough to make sure we understand you. 'I'll tell you later,' is fine if you do actually remember to tell us when we're out of the loud environment.
I once was assigned to a new-to-me dental hygienist. Something was difficult in our communication. During a lull, I asked about the finger alphabet poster on the wall, asking whether she had deaf patients. Her: I’m practically deaf myself!
!!
Suddenly, everything was easy. I spoke to her only when she was looking at me. I figured out which part of my foreign accent was giving her difficulties and switched to another kind of R.
And she was the first person who found out about my life situation, the first person I heard supporting words from.
Your boyfriend sounds great.
I'm HoH myself, with a healthy helping of tinnitus on the side. It took me a few years and the occasional outburst of "I AM NOT MISHEARING YOU ON PURPOSE" to get my loved ones to stop sighing heavily when they had to repeat themselves.
Alison, I appreciate this essay so very much. Thank you for writing it. (And thank you Sari for publishing this one).
My 14-year-old was born with bilateral conductive hearing loss and has been aided since infancy. After signing for his first 18 months, we chose a deaf-oral preschool at the advice of our son's audiologist and ENT.
I have been advocating for my son's (relatively) unseen disability since he entered Kindergarten Though he does have an assigned DHH in the public school--her duties are spread among many Deaf and HOH students across multiple schools. This year (8th grade), we've been working to turn the advocacy part over to my son. I was surprised (dismayed) to learn at school conferences, two months into the school year, that his geography teacher and English teacher had no idea my son was HOH and wore hearing aids (currently has a long hair style). Even with this knowledge, his geography teacher has no patience for when my son reports not having heard an aspect of an assignment.
Reading your statistics about employment of those with a hearing disability is a tough pill to swallow. I've fought so hard, so long for my son to be "mainstreamed," and sometimes, I wonder if this has been the wrong battle all along. As parents, we make the best decisions we can at the time, with the available information. We learn as we go.
Thanks again for writing this essay. I wish you all the best in finding an amazing new position.