I purchased the book after reading for 30 seconds. My grandparents were Hungarian Holocaust survivors who lost siblings and loved ones and narrowly escaped, to Miami via Cuba. Then on to the midwest… My father was somewhat walled off emotionally, as this author describes, and the inherited trauma sounds so similar! My ancestors didn’t talk about their pain. Stories have been lost forever. So I will read this hoping to understand my own lineage better. Thank you!!
Hi, Sari. I've been wanting to thank you for some time for this series... I find it so helpful as I wrestle with my own doubts and questions about writing memoir! Every interview has something that speaks directly to me. And I find great resources, ie Lidia Yuknavitch.
Seth, thank you for sharing your process. I don't think it's wrong at all to choose your book over the relationship. The book has value and meaning and primacy too. I think about this as i prepare to share my manuscript with family members. They know I'm writing about our family history, but I don't think they recognize the emotional impact it will have to read it/see it in print.
That's part of why I'm writing it, to give voice to things long unsaid. Hopefully it will bring healing and peace. I love your reflection on how your book creates connection, taking some of the burden from you and allowing others to see themselves and heal. Best of luck to you!
Bettina, I'm so happy to know you enjoy this series and find it useful! Good luck with your own memoir manuscript and navigating family reactions to it!
Yes, thank you. I'm at the "sharing with family members" part of my writing project. Yikes, I'm scared. But I'm strengthened by these honest and valuable conversations. It's interesting to be at a place where we have to believe in our story so strongly. And to wield the power to say things unsaid.
Yes! "believe in our story so strongly" and "wield the power to say things unsaid."
For so long I doubted my story would have meaning for anyone beyond myself. I've come to a beautiful place of believing in it. It feels to me like the sculptor who sees the form within the block of clay. I'm creating something that needs to be written...that exists apart from me somehow. All I'm doing now is releasing it from the clay. Thanks for letting me share the process! So important for us all.
Thanks so much Bettina, truly! Sharing it with family IS tender, and you're right: Even if it's just "your" story (and not the "official record"), seeing the words in black and white is certain to shake the snow globe. best of luck; sounds like you're amply prepared for it!
wow. just wow. every questionnaire I think, "That was the BEST! EVER!!" but this one just had so much that hit, it really is going to be hard to top. Thank you, Seth, and Sari.
Seth - I see you are coming to NYC in Feb, I can’t wait to come hear you speak and say hi in person! Just last week I shared your memoir and blog (again!) with a group of healers on retreat in the Hudson Valley. I love sharing your work people. Warmly, Jacalyn
What I (have chosen) to remember was that she asked her mother what she thought and her mother basically said after all we have been through, im hardly going to be bothered by a little exposure. With a kind of screw 'em tone.
Found it. "I’d warned my mother and sister in advance that I wanted to cover the period of Mother’s psychotic break and her divorce from Daddy. She’d inherited a sum of cash that was vast by our standards, and she bought a bar and married the bartender—her sixth husband. She was an outlaw, and really didn’t give a rat’s ass what the neighbors thought. She drank hard and packed a pistol. When I tested the waters about doing a memoir of the period, she told me, Hell, go for it. She and my sister probably figured nobody’d read the book but me and whomever I was sleeping with. Also, my mother was a portrait painter. She understood point of view. My sister, who’s a very sophisticated reader, signed off too. For our people to do anything to generate income that won’t land you in prison, it’s a win."
Great series. I have been fascinated by all the different answers writers give when discussing how they handled real people in their story. I took one of Mary Karrs approaches, too. The one from her Paris Review interview...dunno if it was the right thing to do but....
Sari, I appreciate you interviewing Seth. I’ve been interested in his process as I have considered writing my own memoir that includes ancestral trauma. I was curious about his process and influences. I was amazed by his own personal tenacity and resourcefulness which he leveraged to get his book published. Having a community of artists within the punk scene that he could go to for feedback and ideas must have been invaluable. I participated in a memoir writing group, in person, before COVID. It was such a great experience for a new writer like myself. I wish I was still part of a writing group like Seth was able to create. Accountability and feedback by peers are important parts of the writing process.
Some aspects of my memoir would probably not be approved by one or two of the characters. So, I would need to consider how to handle the legal ramifications as Seth did. I have already thought that those characters would be de identified and rewritten. But then isn’t the work considered fictional rather than memoir if you change aspects of the character and the interaction? I realized after taking an introductory memoir class that there’s so much to consider. I can see the writing the book must of definitely been a labor of love. I look forward to reading Seth’s book because it sounds like a fascinating tale.
So glad to hear this is useful to you for your own work, Anna! Good luck with it. It’s so tricky. We can’t tell our stories without implicating others. But there are approaches that can mitigate the fallout.
Hey, thanks so much Anna! And woof: Those are such big questions. I have to be honest: I was thrown when I got to that section of the questionnaire, wrestling with giving an easy and pleasing answer--or the true one. At the end of the day, I had to balance the knowing that nothing would stop me from publishing with the call to always. Tell. The. Truth. I very much hope I succeeded!
Thank you, Seth, for helping me feel like it’s okay to tell the truth. Even though it’s not easy, even though it’s not pretty, even though it might piss someone off, it’s the only way to live with integrity.
I purchased the book after reading for 30 seconds. My grandparents were Hungarian Holocaust survivors who lost siblings and loved ones and narrowly escaped, to Miami via Cuba. Then on to the midwest… My father was somewhat walled off emotionally, as this author describes, and the inherited trauma sounds so similar! My ancestors didn’t talk about their pain. Stories have been lost forever. So I will read this hoping to understand my own lineage better. Thank you!!
Oh, wow! And I love when Memoir Land and Oldster readers are moved to buy the books!!
Ah, thanks so much Michelle! I don't want to raise expectations but: I have the sense this book will speak to you! Thanks for piping up....
Hi, Sari. I've been wanting to thank you for some time for this series... I find it so helpful as I wrestle with my own doubts and questions about writing memoir! Every interview has something that speaks directly to me. And I find great resources, ie Lidia Yuknavitch.
Seth, thank you for sharing your process. I don't think it's wrong at all to choose your book over the relationship. The book has value and meaning and primacy too. I think about this as i prepare to share my manuscript with family members. They know I'm writing about our family history, but I don't think they recognize the emotional impact it will have to read it/see it in print.
That's part of why I'm writing it, to give voice to things long unsaid. Hopefully it will bring healing and peace. I love your reflection on how your book creates connection, taking some of the burden from you and allowing others to see themselves and heal. Best of luck to you!
Bettina, I'm so happy to know you enjoy this series and find it useful! Good luck with your own memoir manuscript and navigating family reactions to it!
Yes, thank you. I'm at the "sharing with family members" part of my writing project. Yikes, I'm scared. But I'm strengthened by these honest and valuable conversations. It's interesting to be at a place where we have to believe in our story so strongly. And to wield the power to say things unsaid.
Yes! "believe in our story so strongly" and "wield the power to say things unsaid."
For so long I doubted my story would have meaning for anyone beyond myself. I've come to a beautiful place of believing in it. It feels to me like the sculptor who sees the form within the block of clay. I'm creating something that needs to be written...that exists apart from me somehow. All I'm doing now is releasing it from the clay. Thanks for letting me share the process! So important for us all.
Thanks so much Bettina, truly! Sharing it with family IS tender, and you're right: Even if it's just "your" story (and not the "official record"), seeing the words in black and white is certain to shake the snow globe. best of luck; sounds like you're amply prepared for it!
I feel the same Bettina!
wow. just wow. every questionnaire I think, "That was the BEST! EVER!!" but this one just had so much that hit, it really is going to be hard to top. Thank you, Seth, and Sari.
So happy to hear this!!!
Aw, thanks so much Megan! I'm really touched--thank you for that gift!
Seth - I see you are coming to NYC in Feb, I can’t wait to come hear you speak and say hi in person! Just last week I shared your memoir and blog (again!) with a group of healers on retreat in the Hudson Valley. I love sharing your work people. Warmly, Jacalyn
Appreciate that very deeply, Jacalyn!
Can't wait for the DC punk memoir!
Enjoyed reading this interview for Memoir Land after hearing you on Talk Memoir with Ronit Plank. I can't wait to read your memoir.
Hey, thank you Doreen--appreciate the hell out of that!
What I (have chosen) to remember was that she asked her mother what she thought and her mother basically said after all we have been through, im hardly going to be bothered by a little exposure. With a kind of screw 'em tone.
Found it. "I’d warned my mother and sister in advance that I wanted to cover the period of Mother’s psychotic break and her divorce from Daddy. She’d inherited a sum of cash that was vast by our standards, and she bought a bar and married the bartender—her sixth husband. She was an outlaw, and really didn’t give a rat’s ass what the neighbors thought. She drank hard and packed a pistol. When I tested the waters about doing a memoir of the period, she told me, Hell, go for it. She and my sister probably figured nobody’d read the book but me and whomever I was sleeping with. Also, my mother was a portrait painter. She understood point of view. My sister, who’s a very sophisticated reader, signed off too. For our people to do anything to generate income that won’t land you in prison, it’s a win."
Thank you!
Great series. I have been fascinated by all the different answers writers give when discussing how they handled real people in their story. I took one of Mary Karrs approaches, too. The one from her Paris Review interview...dunno if it was the right thing to do but....
PS So glad you’re enjoying the series!
Oh, I need to check out that interview!
Sari, I appreciate you interviewing Seth. I’ve been interested in his process as I have considered writing my own memoir that includes ancestral trauma. I was curious about his process and influences. I was amazed by his own personal tenacity and resourcefulness which he leveraged to get his book published. Having a community of artists within the punk scene that he could go to for feedback and ideas must have been invaluable. I participated in a memoir writing group, in person, before COVID. It was such a great experience for a new writer like myself. I wish I was still part of a writing group like Seth was able to create. Accountability and feedback by peers are important parts of the writing process.
Some aspects of my memoir would probably not be approved by one or two of the characters. So, I would need to consider how to handle the legal ramifications as Seth did. I have already thought that those characters would be de identified and rewritten. But then isn’t the work considered fictional rather than memoir if you change aspects of the character and the interaction? I realized after taking an introductory memoir class that there’s so much to consider. I can see the writing the book must of definitely been a labor of love. I look forward to reading Seth’s book because it sounds like a fascinating tale.
So glad to hear this is useful to you for your own work, Anna! Good luck with it. It’s so tricky. We can’t tell our stories without implicating others. But there are approaches that can mitigate the fallout.
Hmm. Thanks for letting me know, Sari. We’ll see if I get there.
Hey, thanks so much Anna! And woof: Those are such big questions. I have to be honest: I was thrown when I got to that section of the questionnaire, wrestling with giving an easy and pleasing answer--or the true one. At the end of the day, I had to balance the knowing that nothing would stop me from publishing with the call to always. Tell. The. Truth. I very much hope I succeeded!
Thank you, Seth, for helping me feel like it’s okay to tell the truth. Even though it’s not easy, even though it’s not pretty, even though it might piss someone off, it’s the only way to live with integrity.
Hi Seth! That's awesome you are going to be in the Hudson Valley. Let me know when you come--maybe you can visit the farm?
Aw, thanks so much friend! That would be absolutely fabulous, will do!