"As someone who teaches memoir, it’s probably the biggest issue that I see: writers, almost always women, who don’t believe that they have the right to create because of secrets and shame."
Poor Man's Feast is one of my favorite books of all time, so I'm primed to listen to and respect every word Altman writes.
In this case, however, where we're writing about family and divulging secrets in the name of memoir. I believe we DO need permission. Maybe I'm missing the nuance, as it seems Altman checked in with some family members to get facts straight and affirm remembrances. Sure, we all have our versions of what happened and why, but if we're putting them out into the public sphere, I think we should run the story by those who may be hurt by it.
Yes, I'm female, yes, men may not think like this, and no, this is not a liability.
This is the rare sort of strong sharing that gets printed up, placed by the bed for a couple of months for late night/early morning check-ins, gets its own file, and will be remembered and most likely quoted from when I write my extended family who DO know I am writing a book but not quite EVERYTHING I am including, but I plan to share the whole shebang as the book (one day, hopefully) goes to press, so they can look for those things with which they might not agree, but know about and expect them. Thanks to Elissa and Sari.
These interviews are usually quite inspiring to me but I found this one especially poignant and helpful. Thank you Sari Botton and Elissa Altman!
Poor Man's Feast is one of my favorite books of all time, so I'm primed to listen to and respect every word Altman writes.
In this case, however, where we're writing about family and divulging secrets in the name of memoir. I believe we DO need permission. Maybe I'm missing the nuance, as it seems Altman checked in with some family members to get facts straight and affirm remembrances. Sure, we all have our versions of what happened and why, but if we're putting them out into the public sphere, I think we should run the story by those who may be hurt by it.
Yes, I'm female, yes, men may not think like this, and no, this is not a liability.
Thanks, Bette. There are lots of different philosophies around writing about others. Here's a piece I wrote about it: https://memoirland.substack.com/p/howafter-15-yearsi-stopped-panicking-c15
This is the rare sort of strong sharing that gets printed up, placed by the bed for a couple of months for late night/early morning check-ins, gets its own file, and will be remembered and most likely quoted from when I write my extended family who DO know I am writing a book but not quite EVERYTHING I am including, but I plan to share the whole shebang as the book (one day, hopefully) goes to press, so they can look for those things with which they might not agree, but know about and expect them. Thanks to Elissa and Sari.